As I inquire about the moment when Bethany Joy Lenz realized she had reached a turning point from which there was no turning back, her response tinged with laughter echoes with the haunting melody of "The Phantom of the Opera" dancing in her mind. For over a decade, Lenz found herself entangled in a religious cult nestled in the Pacific Northwest's embrace, a tale she now unfurls with poignancy, sincerity, and a sprinkle of humor, both in her upcoming memoir "Dinner for Vampires," set to grace shelves on October 22nd.
Recalling the intimacy of her shared journey with her former "One Tree Hill" co-star, Hilarie Burton, Lenz paints a vivid picture for TODAY.com. She reminisces about the early days of camaraderie that blossomed into a deep friendship during the show's nine-season run, only to wither as she drifted deeper into the grasp of the Big House Family, a moniker she adopts in her memoir.
Lenz vividly recounts a chance encounter in a Parisian elevator with Burton, whom she saw only sporadically over the years. "As we stepped into that confining space, her warmth washed over me with familiar questions. And there, in that instant, I confessed, 'I'm good...but I'm no longer a part of that cult,'" Lenz says, her voice tinged with emotion. "Her response? An embrace so overwhelming, it bordered on laughter that verged on tears."
"Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show (While also in an Actual Cult!)" weaves a tale of a 19-year-old, brimming with aspirations, who ventured from New York's bustle to Los Angeles's glitter, dreaming of Hollywood stardom through her role in the beloved teen drama "One Tree Hill." Along the way, an innocuous Bible study at home took an unexpected turn, morphing into a surrogate family, its hold marked with a capital "F" throughout the pages of the memoir. From 2000 to 2012, she married into the charismatic leader's family, welcomed a daughter, watched as over $2 million vanished from her accounts, and bore witness to the group's unraveling.
In a heartfelt author's note, Lenz acknowledges the ambiguity surrounding the term "cult," opting for it merely as a convenient label to capture her personal experience, mindful of its legal ambiguity. She instead characterizes the Big House Family as a "high-demand" or "high-control" group.
"The point of no return crept up on me so subtly," she shares with TODAY.com. "After a year immersed in their world, it all felt so normal, devoid of any sinister undertones. But then Les arrived—a pastor from afar who eventually claimed the helm as the group's de facto leader and my father-in-law."
"He saw something in me that I believed no one else could," she continues, her voice softened by nostalgia tinged with understanding. "A childhood scar, raw and exposed. He addressed it, his words laced with encouragement, in a public forum where I felt both vulnerable and deeply loved. It's what we all crave in our deepest relationships, isn't it? Someone who sees you, flaws and all, and loves you nonetheless."
With the aid of journals spanning 1999 to 2015, Lenz crafted "Dinner for Vampires," interleaving her raw emotions and experiences with hindsight's clarity. Today, she views Les' words through a different lens. "At 21, I was naive. He was nothing more than a street-corner psychic, adept at reading superficial cues. You step in, and they say, 'I sense you have a love for plants.' And you think, 'Of course, have you seen the stickers on my backpack?'" she chuckles, the humor masking a deeper understanding of her past.
At the dawn of her twenties, Lenz found herself immersed in the world of "One Tree Hill," premiering in September 2003, as the charming, girl-next-door Haley James. Her yearlong journey to Wilmington, North Carolina, transformed into a film set existence, yet she remained tightly woven into the fabric of her group through the threads of a relentless group email chain and heartfelt phone calls. She recounts being subtly urged towards solitude, safeguarding her "inner sanctum" as a closely guarded secret.
Her situation was likened to a "cult" by both her parents, from whom she gradually drifted apart during her group immersion, and whispers on the bustling set of "One Tree Hill." Initially, she felt a sense of exclusion, only to later comprehend that the cast and crew were gently navigating towards assisting her. "They sought to aid me by embarking on dialogues that probed the depths of my convictions," she divulges to TODAY.com, adding that she was receptive, albeit with reservations.
"The stakes were mountainous, towering over me," she muses. "When a profound yearning consumes us, and we latch onto what we believe will satiate that hunger—only to discover it's turning sour or failing to meet expectations—we've already poured our souls, time, finances, affection, and care into it. Conceding we might be misguided and seeking a fresh perspective is a daunting task indeed."
As the cast perceived her hesitance, they retreated gracefully, some seeking alternative avenues to connect. "They continued to perceive me, cherish me, and aspire to invest in my life, fostering a bond of long-lasting friendship," she shares.
Months apart from her group, she embraced her craft, transforming into the character before the camera. "To be a proficient actor, authenticity and present-moment awareness are paramount," she emphasizes. "Daily, I delved into the heart of my being, tapping into that pure, instinct-driven essence. In a way, the show became my salvation."
"It nurtured within me a relentless pursuit of authenticity," she reflects. "I never allowed it to fade or fully subdue. It consistently surfaced, and I tremble to ponder where I'd be had it not been for that refuge."
Bethany Joy Lenz stood as one of the trio of pillars, steadfast throughout the nine-season marathon of the hit series, shoulder to shoulder with Bush and James Lafferty, who portrayed Nathan Scott, the basketball superstar who tied the knot with Lenz's character in the season-one climax. As the show drew its curtains in 2011, amidst the joy of welcoming her newborn daughter into the world, Lenz reminisced about the bittersweet farewells. She confesses that bidding adieu to Lafferty was the most wrenching, their parting marked by haste, a card exchanged, and an embrace that spoke volumes. "Saying goodbye to him felt oddly surreal, akin to life without a constant companion by my side," she shares poignantly.
Haley and Nathan's enduring love story, marred only by fleeting moments of apartness in seasons two and five, etched themselves into television folklore, topping the prestigious 2023 BuzzFeed list as television's most iconic duo. For Lenz, portraying their blissful union served as a respite. "It was such a soothing balm," she muses, contrasting it with the tumultuous state of her own marriage around 2010, as she confesses in her memoir, "a time when I was at my lowest ebb, estranged from happiness and God, mired in a personal hell."
"In the midst of my turmoil, Lafferty was a beacon of solace, a daily reminder of peace, joy, love, laughter, and playfulness," she reveals to TODAY.com. "The memories entwined with him, starkly contrasting those of my then-current associations, left me perplexed, and so, I resorted to the simple gesture of a card and a hug, unsure how to articulate the emotions swirling within."
Similarly, Lenz had to let go of Haley, the character who evolved from a "Tutor Girl" to a wife, mother, record label maven, and touring artist, embodying unwavering optimism. "Haley was scripted to soar, rising above adversity with a relentless belief in the good of people and a dogged determination to triumph over challenges," she elaborates. "The embodied resilience, the physical memory of embracing that positive mindset, proved to be a transformative force, the depth of which I was yet to comprehend at the time."
In July 2023, Lenz courageously unveiled her hidden past within a cultic group during a poignant episode of "Drama Queens," the retrospective podcast she cohosted alongside Burton and Sophia Bush, delving into the nostalgic realms of "One Tree Hill." Launched in 2021, "Drama Queens" invites former cast members to revisit the show's nine-season journey, currently embarking on Season 7 with Robert Buckley stepping in for Burton, as rumors of a rift between Lenz and Burton persist. (Lenz, however, dismisses such whispers with warmth, saying, "I love Hilarie deeply, and I choose not to engage in the speculation game.")
Initially, the idea of revisiting her time on the podcast terrified Lenz. "I dreaded reliving those moments, confronting my younger self's struggles, the blindness and disconnection that shrouded me," she confesses. As Season 7 unfolds, she acknowledges a profound "weight" in her performances, a residue of her personal struggles that subtly seeped into her characters. "My personal burdens inadvertently colored the hues of my portrayals," she reveals.
Breaking her silence on her decade-long cult experience, Lenz emotionally shared, "I aspire to pen my story—a tale of captivity and the arduous journey of healing that followed. There's so much richness to be mined." Diving into her journals, dating back to her tween years in 1994, she meticulously catalogued pivotal memories and emotional trajectories, meticulously arranging them into a cohesive narrative. Yet, the process was fraught with emotional upheavals, as shame would occasionally overwhelm her, forcing temporary hiatuses.
"At times, the whispers of my younger self, Joy, echoing with both turmoil and optimism, would pierce through, triggering a profound sense of empathy and the urge to comfort my past self," she muses. When asked what advice she would impart to her younger self, her response is tinged with complexity. Envisioning a fleeting opportunity in her teenage years, living in New York, far from the grasp of the cult, she reflects on a time when she yearned for belonging and was plagued by perfectionism.
"To that innocent girl, I would whisper, 'Embrace your imperfections, for they are not barriers to your faith but companions on your journey. Faith and freedom coexist, allowing you to stumble through life, secure in the knowledge that God's love and grace are your unwavering safety net.'"
For those who will read her memoir, Lenz extends a compassionate embrace, particularly to those who have endured "narcissistic abuse." "If you've been a feast for a vampire's appetite," she says, quoting her book's title with a gentle humor, "you are not alone, not inept, not feeble. Your superpower lies in empathy and trust. Your intelligence may have drawn you into their webs, but it also testifies to your profound wisdom. Remember, being loving and trusting is a virtue. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
