Last time, I pondered whether "Modern Family" was veering towards any tangible narrative trajectory this season, particularly whether the house-flipping subplot would resurface. A month hence, here we find ourselves, engrossed in the endeavor to revamp the enigmatic abode. Cam unleashes some of the most ear-piercing, exuberant screams of joy we've ever encountered. He deploys what he terms a "Trojan Horse" maneuver on Claire, surreptitiously avoiding compromising on the renovation decisions. Claire, on the other hand, employs a "numerical barrage" technique, bombarding Cam with cryptic figures like "forty-twelve percent" and "eleventy-five," maintaining a stone-faced demeanor throughout. A collision of wills seems inevitable.
The Dunphy clan is enduring a tumultuous week. Alex believes sugar should be swept back onto the plate from the floor, wielding a broom like an over-the-top extra from "Oliver Twist." Luke understands the wisdom of eating bizarre or gross food for money, yet he consistently forgets to demand top dollar for his gastronomic bravery. Haley is oblivious to the mechanics of changing lightbulbs, leaving me woefully uninspired for a "how many somethings does it take to screw in a lightbulb" joke. Phil, choosing to focus solely on his daughters and seemingly overlooking the potential intellectual challenges of Luke, embarks on a mission: to mold his daughters into "contemporary, self-reliant women." He cleverly sidesteps the tired stereotype of Women + Cleaning by appearing to possess genuine parental aspirations. Have we previously extolled the endearing qualities of Phil? Have we thoroughly dissected his lovable nature? Indeed, we have.
Gloria speaks Spanish to little Fulgencio Joe, prompting Jay to insert his weekly "Real America™" quip, followed swiftly by his "Cantankerous Sarcasm Guy™" remark. "I love you, but I can't find humor in that again," Gloria sighs, delivering a zinger. Jay shares a tender moment with the baby.
Lily has sprouted like a weed in the four weeks the show has been on hiatus. Mitch attempts to stand up for her against a bully, despite Lily's astute observation that "it's a sport!" Mitch gets thoroughly thrashed, prompting Lily to execute her first-ever "I don't know this guy" routine. A wellspring of shame bubbles up within him.
This baby is bringing out the best in Ed O'Neill. And this week's script showcases Jay's knack for delivering a clever "Bond — James Bond" line with effortless charm.
Haley and Alex share an intense scene with Phil in a previously unseen room of the Dunphy abode. Haley ponders aloud if there might be a connection between the water boiler and photosynthesis, perhaps hoping to elicit some sympathy for her self-proclaimed intellectual shortcomings and steer clear of the home-improvement lesson. Alas, her strategy falls flat.
Wendi McLendon-Covey, renowned for her role in 'Bridesmaids,' reprises her part to assist Cam in his negotiations with Claire concerning the house renovation. Pam appears neutral, as she never particularly warmed to Cam in the beginning, yet she holds a fondness for Claire. Amidst the planning for backyard fountains, Cam's flattery proves ineffective against Claire's unabashed flirting.
Missing even a minute of 'Skyfall' is a cinematic sin that Jay isn't willing to commit, so he dumps baby F.J. onto an old friend of Claire's whom he hasn't seen in decades. A decision that Gloria far from approves of, as Jay learns the hard way. Moreover, his musings on how 'Home Alone' could serve as the conclusion to a Bond film reveal an unsettling movie trivia mishap. How endearingly charming Bardem was, indeed!
Mitch seeks handball lessons from Luke, who believes (a) Neil Armstrong was a trumpet maestro and (b) Lily possesses sociopathic tendencies. Fast-forwarding to one of the series' most hilarious end-credit sequences, we witness Drill Sergeant Luke's interpretation of a training montage. Mitch endures a dodgeball to the face with the stern admonition, "NEVER CLOSE YOUR EYES ON THE COURT!! DON’T LET ME GET IN YOUR HEAD!" He fumbles with popping bubbles using chopsticks, unwittingly signing the word 'ass' in sign language, and finally, is frightened yet again by Luke, who emphasizes, "YOU’RE NEVER OFF THE COURT!!" Absolutely mesmerizing.
Fred Willard makes a virtual appearance via Skype, performing the timeless thumb-severing illusion that delights both children and the grown-up Dunphys alike. One wonders if these Skype cameos are actually filmed over Skype or if the actors are brought onto the set just to appear on a laptop screen. One guesses the latter while wishing for the former.
Jay and Gloria engage in a particularly ugly spat, with not even their signature humor involving Gloria's "I don't understand English very good… ly" lines able to diffuse the tension and make the moment any less awkward.
Mitch, having undergone a remarkable transformation akin to the magical handball lessons bestowed upon Daniel-san in "The Karate Kid," now parades as a bullying tap-dancing crooner, towering over and stomping on poor Milo. Resigned to her father's antics, Lily breaks the news that the Pritchett-Tuckers have received a letter, no doubt dripping with stern warnings, forbidding Mitch from venturing anywhere near his daughter's school or any unrelated children, ever again.
Cam's grand fountain reveal glimmers with the allure of a scene straight out of "The Bachelor," captivating Claire and Pam with awe. Alas, an unheralded tempest of slimy goldfish dampens the enchantment, casting a chilling spell of horror over the festivities.
For a fleeting moment, it seems as though Jay is delivering an epic, verbose monologue to conclude the episode. Alas, it is merely a reading session of "Moby Dick," puppeteer-style, accompanied by scotch, as he captivates Manny and F.J.
This episode shines brightly, particularly for its innovative decision to separate two of the couples entirely and provide Jay and Gloria with some breathing room. It evokes the delightful vibe one experiences when witnessing a couple so comfortable in each other's presence that they don't always need to be side by side, like those who opt for different seats at a grand dinner. Such arrangements breathe freshness into the narrative, offering captivating moments between Cam and Claire, Phil and his daughters, and Jay and Fulgencio Joe. By now, it's a given that they all cherish each other deeply. More of these refreshing dynamics, please, for a prolonged stretch.
