Kicking off with a comical snapshot of the family's over-the-top reactions to a 3 a.m. phone call, "Arrested" sets the stage brilliantly for an burst episodeing with humor. (Incidentally, the title piques interest in light of the myriad similarities to last week's "Arrested Development" echoes.) Phil's urgent demand, "TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING?" and Cam's conviction that the call must be a manifestation of his dream about a chicken rainstorm are comedy gold. Meanwhile, Mitch's inability to retort snarkily at such an ungodly hour, Jay's stern warning, "This better be good," and Gloria and Manny's mortuary predictions followed by sympathetic glances towards Jay—Haley's arrest fails to shock anyone. This standout cold open perfectly captures the crazy essence of the show.
From there, the episode unfolds with delightful character dynamics, packed with pitch-perfect jokes at a frenetic pace. Cameron, tasked with babysitting Lily, Alex, and Luke, while Mitchell joins a distressed Claire and a serene Phil on their way to bail out Haley, offers Cam the perfect chance to introduce his homemade vegan bacon, aptly named "fauxcon," a name pushing the boundaries of absurdity. Mitch's clever pun, "It's fauxcon disgusting," deserves a MacArthur Grant for its brilliance. However, Cam's fauxcon triumph is quickly thwarted by Luke's soy allergy, the sole ingredient in fauxcon. Cam's day of chaotic childcare begins in earnest ("Luke, put the fauxcon down!" "I'm using it to scratch my throat!").
Phil's reaction to Haley's predicament seems notably less furious than Claire's. Perhaps, given Haley's limited screen time this season, Phil has inadvertently forgotten about his other daughter. Instead, he identifies with her wild escapades, reminiscing, "I remember one night in freshman year when we, the Frisbee golf team, polished off a case of Zima. Enough zed," to which Claire responds, "More than enough," before cutting to a side comment that painfully reminds us of Claire's mean-spirited, maniacal tendencies and her penchant for threatening family members (husband, in this case) every few episodes. A breakfast-deprived, bleary-eyed Phil embarks on a transformation into a waffle-zombie throughout the episode.
Jay, regretfully declining Manny's invitation to the Spoken Word Festival due to a prior commitment to the Rather Blow My Brains Out Jamboree, is startled by a Twilight Zone-like ringtone undoubtedly reserved for one person: Shelley Long's DeDe, Jay's ex-wife and mother of his adult children, who appears more whimsically enlightened than ever. Gloria's pregnancy serves as a catalyst for a truce between them, leading to a joyous pigpile on Jay. In an attempt to shield his beloved Stella, Jay covers her ears, inadvertently squishing her face into an hilarious expression—a moment worthy of a DVR rewind-and-pause. Meanwhile, Manny and DeDe have maintained an emotional pen-pal relationship, reflecting Manny's status as the oldest and most sensitive soul on the show.
Cam narrowly avoids getting caught in his comical blundering when Claire's call interrupts an awkward moment, as a nurse's blaring, "I hear we've got a boy who can't breathe?" is swiftly muffled by Cam's swift retort, "Oh, I'm just watching an original Lifetime movie titled 'The Boy Who Can't Breathe.'" Adding a nostalgic 2012 nod, there's even a shout-out to Amanda Bynes.
Last week's Skype revelation of Haley's slurred, "I'm still drunk" served as a tantalizing teaser for tonight's drama. Not content with merely imbibing, she inadvertently assaulted a cop byplummeting from the sky and landing on him. Meanwhile, Mitchell finds himself locked in an all-day struggle to prove he's more of an everyday lawyer and less of a panda-like specialist in soft cases.
For her disciplinary hearing at school, Haley adopts a strategy inspired by "Legally Blonde." Phil, momentarily the cool dad, tries to temper her expectations with, "This is real life, not an excellent movie." But soon, he transitions into a fiery display of stern parenting, laying down the law with commands ranging from "just stop talking" to an unequivocal "we'll see you at the hearing, DO NOT BE LATE." Though I don't relish in Haley's predicaments, it's refreshing to witness Phil engaging in some resolute, unbumbling parenting.
At her hearing, Haley brazenly owns up to her myriad poor decisions in her six short weeks at college—stealing from dining halls, skipping classes, dating teaching assistants, and even attempting to curry favor with the school by mistakenly shouting out the wrong mascot, "Go Wildcats…?" despite the blunder, her spirit remains admirable.
Luke's timely, yet tangential, reference to Obamacare segues into Gloria narrating the night's Hallmark-worthy conclusion: while making babies may be easy, safeguarding them, sacrificing for them, and standing by them amidst disappointments is a far greater challenge. Oh, and Haley's college days are over, and she's back under the Dunphy roof. It's heartening to see the show carving out a non-traditional post-high-school path for her, and reintegrating her into the family fold for future episodes. However, let's hope her journey doesn't culminate in the television cliché of ultimate fulfillment via marriage. Haley should defy the show's established narrative about her and achieve great success in her endeavors. Perhaps she could take a page from "Parks and Recreation's" Tom Haverford and brainstorm some innovative ideas. Haley, this is your moment to shine.
