First up on your local 6 o'clock news: Is Alex Levy the most narcissistic person on the planet? Alright, fine, that's not exactly headline-breaking news. Alex Levy has always been a narcissist—but in "DNF," her narcissism soars to new, dizzying heights. I mean, the woman hears just half a joke about a narcissist screwing in a lightbulb (it only takes one, but they need the whole world watching), and she instantly assumes the joke is about her! Okay, sure, it is about her, but that's beside the point! Don't even try to tell me she overheard poor Random Joel's entire conversation, because I've studied the tapes, and the logistics just don't add up. But Random Joel's feeble joke is just the tamest example of Alex Levy's narcissistic monster rearing its ugly head in this episode. Because in this episode, Alex uses the overturning of Roe v. Wade as a shield to avoid discussing the news of her and Paul's relationship spilling into the tabloids, all while trying to paint herself as some kind of feminist hero for doing so. It's honestly impressive in its audacity.
Look, I'm not saying Alex Levy doesn't genuinely believe that the SCOTUS decision to overturn Roe is "the most important story for American women in 50 years," or that she isn't truly outraged by it. I'm just saying it's incredibly convenient. Once The Vault broke the story of Alex and Paul dating, there was no way this woman was going to let her Alex Unfiltered interview with Paul air. Even though, as Cory correctly points out, she was the one who insisted on the interview in the first place, and they've been hyping it up all week. If the Roe situation hadn't been unfolding, she would've found another excuse to cancel it, but now she gets to cancel it and claim it's because how dare people make salacious gossip the focus when something this crucial is happening. People are disgusting! Alex Levy is a paragon of virtue!
She's not wrong that Roe should be front-page news, but she's clearly exploiting the timing to her advantage. She's so mired in her self-righteousness that she can't even consider the possibility that she might be wrong. Listen, Cory is a psycho (when Mindy Kaling, as Audra, describes Cory as "oddly compelling in a kind of Patrick Bateman in a vinyl coat way," she's not exaggerating!), but when he points out to Alex that she was on the verge of having all the power she wanted at UBA and instead has chosen to be "the girlfriend," even Alex knows he's got a point. Is he trying to hurt her and remind her who's in charge (for now)? Sure, but he's not wrong: She's completely exposed herself to a wild amount of scrutiny.
She also refuses to listen to Chip after a disastrous interview with a Roe-related guest meant to replace Paul's episode. The conversation spirals into a discussion of minority rule and unchecked power, landing squarely on billionaires and their sway over the media. When Alex gets defensive and tries to remind EVERYONE that this is about women's rights, thank you very much, her guest shows her how she just proved his point—Alex and her boyfriend, Paul Marks, get to decide what is news and what isn't. Oh, Alex is fuming after this. When Chip points out that lots of people are going to be curious about exactly this (a few episodes ago, even Alex was curious about Paul's influence on journalists, but she must've forgotten), and that Alex isn't making things better by refusing to discuss the ramifications of her relationship or even issue any statement, Alex loses her cool. She fires him. He makes a passing comment about how he didn't really have COVID when he showed up at her place to check on her and was just rescuing her like he always does, and honestly, it slightly undermines his argument. Chip needs to learn about leaving people wanting more, you know? He's utterly incapable of it.
It doesn't matter a whit. He's been fired, and the world seems to have formed a conspiracy against Alex Levy. At least, that's the story she spins to Paul when he returns home, seeking a bit of comfort in a Sad Billionaire cuddle session. His test launch had gone disastrously awry, and he was now uncertain whether they'd be able to meet their actual launch deadline. His coping mechanisms included shouting at employees (off-camera, unfortunately), heavy drinking, and during an awkward photo shoot, he even labeled Cory Ellison as "a petty man." But now, cradled in Alex's arms, as she once again contemplates whether her time and talents are truly valued at UBA (a recurring theme every season, so it's hardly groundbreaking), Paul has a fresh notion. Or perhaps it's an old idea he's trying to pass off as new (with this guy, you never can tell). Anyway, he suggests that instead of pouring money into UBA's growth as he had promised, they could simply dismantle it and sell off its assets for a hefty profit, which he could then funnel into his ailing rocket program. Oh, and Alex could establish her own studio or something along those lines. That part seems less crucial to him. Alex appears intrigued. Will she remain intrigued once she discovers that Paul is already in talks with good old Fred Micklen, the ultimate survivor, about valuing UBA? She might not! Or perhaps Alex Levy is about to step into her true villain era. Only time will tell!
Time is also running out for Paul to execute whatever underhanded schemes he has planned, because something peculiar is afoot at Hyperion, and Bradley Jackson is on the trail. Once Stella enlists her help to reach out to her now-missing friend Kate Danton — who, as you'll recall, was unceremoniously fired by Paul and attempted to raise some red flags with Stella, who was too preoccupied with Paul's job offer — Bradley embarks on a genuine Deep Throat, dark-parking-garage-style investigation. Honestly, I adore this for our little Exhausted Queen. It's utterly absurd, but if anyone has the tenacity to uncover Paul Marks's schemes, it's Bradley. Kate fails to show up for their meeting — and she went through all that trouble to send Bradley coded messages via coffee orders, too! — but Bradley isn't deterred. Plus, she recruits the now-unemployed Chip Black to lend a hand. This could be a dream team-up right here.
In a setup reminiscent of a Russian nesting doll, with layers upon layers of secret investigations unfolding on this show, Bradley also needs to keep her guard up. Thanks to a hot tip from Audra at YDA, Laura is delving into Bradley's hacked emails and texts. Initially, Laura is searching for evidence of a romantic liaison between Bradley and Cory — she finds it odd that Bradley spent an entire day with Cory and his mother, and she's right to be suspicious — but she begins to notice some cryptic messages concerning the January 6 footage and Hal, and starts to piece together the truth. Does she have to perform an almost unfathomable amount of deductive reasoning to reach that conclusion? Yes, but Laura's a professional, alright? The question now is, will Laura expose Bradley, and will she do it before Bradley has a chance to crack the Paul Marks mystery? We're hurtling toward the season-three finale, and things are heating up, folks.
