"As To How They Might Destroy Him" weaves a tale of two pathetically inadequate fathers—one ill-equipped for the role, the other haunted by his shortcomings in every waking hour. Eli Gemstone and Baby Billy Freeman seldom see eye to eye, as Eli views his brother-in-law as a parasitic, conniving scoundrel, akin to the three such individuals he already manages within the Gemstone compound. Bound by a lingering loyalty to his deceased wife, Eli tolerates Baby Billy's repeated reintegration into their fold, despite an extensive litany of offenses that would normally warrant perpetual exile. (Among them: getting young Jesse drunk at Judy’s birthday bash, tantruming over his sister’s pregnancy derailing a money-grubbing reunion tour, and botching a pastoral gig at a mall expansion.) The Gemstones subscribe to an endless well of second chances, readily forgiving themselves for their perpetual sins.
Set against the vibrant backdrop of '80s and '90s music and fashion, this delightfully entertaining episode unfolds in a Charlotte mall, 1993. Baby Billy, all cheer and gaiety, leads his son through a Christmas to remember, while his wife, Dory, stands in the shadows, a somber sentinel perhaps prescient of impending doom. Baby Billy is on the brink of abandoning his family, yet he hustles to curate a lasting positive impression, akin to cover up deep-rooted stench in carpets by spraying an entire can of Lysol disinfectant. “The gift you’re getting today is from your dad,” he tells the gangly young Harmon, gesturing towards a consumer utopia of Chess King, Sam Goody’s, and Body Shop outlets. He’s the procrastinating procrastinator scrambling for a last-minute present to salvage Christmas, unbeknownst to him that this will be the final gift his son will ever receive, and by golly, he won’t let Santa steal the spotlight.
Baby Billy’s vanity stands out in this nostalgic flashback, an insistent need to validate his role as Harmon’s sole father, despite his impending departure. In a curious way, a cat would serve as the perfect gift, a living testament to his presence throughout Harmon’s childhood, outlasting even the Chess King brand itself, which would fade into oblivion two years hence. In a fleeting heart-to-heart with Harmon, Baby Billy emphasizes that he will forever be his son’s dad. “Just like this authentic pair of Oakleys,” he says, bestowing the sunglasses upon the boy, “there is no substitute for the original.” His wanderlust doesn’t dampen his narcissistic urge to assert his dominance wherever he roams.
While Baby Billy’s departures bookend the episode, Eli’s wretched fatherhood takes center stage. His three children are not merely furious with him but openly disdainful, emboldened by the image of their father as a town playboy who shaves his pubes and chases skirts. Junior’s reappearance serves as a stark reminder of Eli’s past, weakening the veneer of piety he had maintained over his kids, whose sins are far more overt and clamorous. Though unspoken, Jesse, Kelvin, and Judy perceive the manscaping incident as leveling the playing field, empowering them to mock and defy him with the same fervor they direct at each other. They underestimate him at their own peril.
TheGemstone children face a formidable obstacle: Eli's ironclad grip on the family's vast fortune, estimated by Bing at an astonishing $600 million, leaves little room for maneuvering. (Poor Bing, forever ensnared in search engine humor. Microsoft, apologies are in order.) Eli cocoons the children in opulence within their sprawling McMansions, yet any significant venture or expenditure necessitates his sanction. His refusal to finance the Lissons' Christian timeshare endeavor to the tune of $10 million proved to be the wedge that shattered Jesse and Amber's bond with Lyle and Lindy, whose friendship was as transparent as a crystal glass, contingent solely upon monetary transactions. Jesse's heart-wrenching reaction to the breakup reveals a surprising vulnerability, akin to a con artist blindsided by the realization that another charlatan was merely after his wallet. "There's nothing I yearn for more than discussing pool designs with you," he laments, tears streaming down his face.
Despite a lawsuit stemming from a performance fiasco, Eli has continued to bankroll Kelvin's God Squad endeavor. However, even his boundless patience has its limits. Kelvin's ambitious plan to jet-set himself and his muscular Christian entourage to Israel for a "40 days and 40 nights" spiritual odyssey was abruptly grounded in a humiliating spectacle on the tarmac. (Incidentally, the God Squad's slow-motion exit from the airplane hangar was accompanied by the Christian metal band Signum Regis's anthem, "Through the Desert, Through the Storm.") The ultimate insult came when the God Squad was excluded from BJ's baptism and reception, pushing Kelvin over the edge. He brands Eli a "false prophet" and pays the price with two shattered thumbs for his audacity.
For Kelvin, the timing of his thumbs' mishap couldn't have been worse, as Eli's mood was already soured by Judy's lavish Christian coming-out bash for BJ. Judy rails against Eli for his half-hearted participation in the baptism ("Where's the enthusiasm, Eli? You're as lifeless as a zombie!"), while Eli retaliates by accurately accusing Judy of coercing BJ, a spineless secularist, into conversion. In Judy's deranged logic, welcoming BJ into the fold as a baptized believer brings her closer to the throne of power. The reception doubles as a wedding celebration, denied to all when the couple eloped in front of Prince Eric at Disney World. Donning a bowtie and cummerbund, BJ's velvet onesie may resemble a toddler ripe for tickling, but it's intended as a formal outfit, befitting a groom.
When BJ accidentally pelts Eli with a cake meant for his secular humanist sister KJ, who had been pestering the Gemstones, Eli snaps. "You children are a disgrace," he declares. "All of you." (Jesse gives him a puzzled look, as if he hadn't just screamed at his father moments earlier for withholding support for the timeshare.) After breaking Kelvin's thumbs, Eli's expression hints at the dawning realization that he's crossed a line, shattering the veneer of divine calm that props up his image as a religious leader. These rotten apples haven't strayed far from the tree of corruption.
