This week's episode packs an even more thrilling punch, where the fate of the king of France hangs precariously in the balance as a church full of innocents burns. That's what we call 'high stakes.' But with Charles being a rather ineffective ruler, it seems his death in the blaze would hardly make a difference. He not only failed to reach the church in time to save lives, but everyone seemed to escape unscathed. I have questions galore, but let's put that aside—a 'Miraculous Escape' tag attached—and focus on Catherine's response to the Bourbons and Guises, who were responsible for this horror.
Catherine's reaction was swift and fitting, as she lashed out with a riding crop at Louis and Antoine, the ones who tried to lead Charles into the inferno. The Bourbons were enraged, accusing François of the arson correctly. But François, oddly protected by the vast French Catholic populace, remained unscathed. (Perhaps due to some war-related reasons?) Catherine, knowing the Guises' guilt, still strives to keep France united. It's 1572, a mere 55 years after Martin Luther's theses revolutionized the world. Wait, 1969 was quite eventful too.
The aftermath of the Protestant Reformation continues to plague France, and leading the country must be a daunting task. Montmorency, who might have adopted the church's leader, seeks revenge against the Guises. Catherine admonishes him, breaking the fourth wall to remark how refreshing it is to see someone of privilege motivated purely by emotion. It's like those who say, "If I were in charge, I'd fix everything." Oh, Kevin, that's amazing. I wonder why no one's tried that yet.
More scenes with the royal siblings unfold, and I can only cheer—more childish bickering, more squabbling! Give me a 16th-century version of 'The Righteous Gemstones'! Alex and Charles discuss Charles' narrow escape, while Elisabeth tries on a new dress. Margot chastises her, saying she won't have a new dress made because the people need food. Elisabeth retorts with her wit, saying the people won't eat Margot's dress. Smart, Elisabeth. But come on, Margot, stop being Mary from 'Pride and Prejudice.' No one wants to be her.
And Margot's image in my mind sinks even further when Charles expresses his wish to have done something for the church victims, and she asks if there wasn't something he could have done. No, Margot! He was scrambling through the woods with two Bourbons! What did you expect? A magical teleport to the church? Using his lack of power to convince immoral soldiers to stop the massacre? Get a grip, Margot.
Elisabeth imparted to Margot that the masses yearned for a leader, and they naturally gravitated towards those adorned in exquisite gowns. I sought to counter this argument, but then the Met Gala came into focus, proving my point redundant. Unexpectedly, Alex intervened and disparaged Elisabeth's dress, claiming it was unsightly. Elisabeth retorted, challenging Alex to try it on, and when he did, she exclaimed, "Oh dear, it indeed looks far better on him." The humor was palpable, and I must commend you, Serpent Queen, for redeeming yourself from last week's shortcomings.
Charles chimed in, criticizing Alex's attire as freakish, much to my dismay. Meanwhile, Jeanne, the queen of Navarre, entered with her son Henry, her face contorted in horror while Henry displayed a keen interest. I, for one, am rooting for the Alex-Henry pairing.
Catherine, on the other hand, was busy quelling metaphorical fires, reassuring the Bourbons that with no survivors from the church fire, there were no witnesses. She suggested the crown could falsely accuse innocents, thus averting a religious war. She offered Louis and Antoine the coveted trade deal with England and then visited the Guises, particularly Antoinette. Knowing the Guises were behind the arson, Catherine threatened to arrest François and behead him unless they funded the construction of a magnificent palace in Paris — not the Louvre, but the Palais des Tuileries. This, I gather, is the grand scheme of this season: the construction of a new palace.
As for Antoinette, in accordance with her deal with François, she returned his compromising letters. He, however, carelessly tossed them into a low-burning fire and walked away before they were fully consumed. François, what are you thinking? You burned an entire church full of people over those letters! She could easily retrieve them and coerce you into committing even more unspeakable atrocities. François's decisions are truly perplexing.
Moreover, not only have they dismantled our beloved gay couple from last season (Aabis and Angelica), but now they label Alex a freak and François murders his soldier lover. I fear our chances at the GLAAD Awards this year are dim.
Catherine approached Diane de Poitiers, requesting her assistance in funding the palace project and overseeing her wayward children while she traveled to Italy to solicit further funding. Diane's only request was that her daughters be allowed to inherit her estate, a demand that contravenes French law — the infamous Salic law, which barred queens of France from ruling independently. Again, I must express my disapproval. Nevertheless, Catherine acquiesced.
Now, to the Miraculous Escape pin. As Montmorency surveyed the ruins of the church, he realized something extraordinary: there were no corpses. No bones, no jewelry, nothing. The peasants viewed it as a divine miracle, and I, too, was baffled. How did they escape? Moreover, this revelation meant that Aabis survived, a fact that filled me with joy. Rahima, whose presence we dearly need more of, informed Catherine of a rumor suggesting survivors from the fire. Catherine responded that if such rumors were true, they would all be in dire straits.
Finally, we uncover the whereabouts of the survivors when François rides secretly to a clearing at night and beholds the seemingly deceased pastor lady speaking about God guiding them through the flames. She also preached about the necessity of the people rising up in God's name if kings and queens failed to protect them. This, indeed, is a worrying omen. Bizarrely, the episode concludes with the song "The Little Drummer Boy," leaving us all perplexed.
