We kick off our narrative with Cravensworth's Monster, portrayed by Andy Assaf, hot on the heels of Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch), and an eerie Nadja Doll doppelgänger (also Demetriou), as they dart through the labyrinthine corridors of the house. Why this frantic chase? Simply put, the monster is overcome with an insatiable horniness. Laszlo (Matt Berry) and Colin Robinson, with a hint of amusement, elucidate this unusual turn of events to the ever-curious camera crew. CM's libido has skyrocketed unexpectedly, prompting Laszlo to improvise swiftly. His ingenious, albeit macabre, solution involves piecing together a bride for his monster from deceased human remains. Amidst this explanation, Cravensworth's Monster indulges in a playful moment with his miniature monster counterpart.
Switching gears, Nandor (Kayvan Novak) bursts with excitement as he unveils his latest venture to Guillermo (Harvey Guillén). The duo dreams of becoming a vigilante crime-fighting team, cleaning the streets of New York from its sleazy underbelly. Guillermo, ever the practical one, gently reminds Nandor that they've yet to iron out the finer details. Enter the superhero costumes – Gizmo's Kid Cowboy ensemble and Nandor's rather ambitious Phantom Menace getup. Guillermo informs his former master that the moniker 'The Phantom Menace' is already taken, much to Nandor's dismay. Furthermore, Nandor reveals his grand plan for a clandestine underground lair, accessible solely through his coffin, complete with a state-of-the-art supercomputer. In essence, Nandor aspires to be the Batman of their world. Guillermo scrutinizes Nandor's hand-drawn map of this prospective lair, amusement evident as he notices the vampire's characteristic spelling imperfections – a beloved running gag.
Elsewhere, Laszlo and Colin Robinson drop a bombshell: Cravensworth's Monster has developed a particular fondness for The Guide (Kristen Schaal). Complicating matters, Nandor still harbors feelings for her. In a bizarre gesture of affection, the monster detaches his penis and offers it to The Guide as a token of his love – a gesture both grotesque and oddly endearing. With this in mind, Laszlo contemplates harvesting The Guide's head and breasts for the monster's intended bride.
Just as tensions mount, a crew member interrupts Laszlo and Colin Robinson, announcing that the documentary crew has secured all the footage they require. This news reaches Nadja and Nandor, who are in close confab, prompting all the vampires to remove their microphones and gracefully thank the departing crew. Guillermo, noticing the crew packing up, storms into the opulent room, confusion etched across his face. "What do you mean filming is over?" he demands, caught off guard by the abrupt conclusion.
Guillermo finds himself ensnared by the aftermath, unable to effortlessly let go. The reality that filming consumed an entire six-year chapter of his life weighs heavily on him. The vampires, nonetheless, assert their unwavering commitment to their established routines. Nandor appends that the crew might linger, capturing some additional B-roll footage until the first light of dawn kisses the horizon, perhaps even immortalizing him lost in the pages of a book.
Nadja, a seasoned analyst of human psychology honed from her Wall Street days, urges Guillermo to express his emotions, maybe through the medium of song and dance. Laszlo and the others egg him on with enthusiasm, chanting, "Do a jig! Dance, lad!" Meanwhile, Laszlo, in a moment of whimsical violence, attempts to behead The Guide, casually perched on the couch, as if such actions were mundane.
When Guillermo storms off, refusing to join the dance, Nadja draws Nandor aside. She insists he reassures Guillermo that everything will eventually settle into place. Change, she acknowledges, is invariably arduous, but all ephemeral joys must eventually conclude. She likens him to a dog donning a raincoat, convinced of its human guise, when in truth, it's merely a misguided pooch. Guillermo, during the documentary's shoot, felt a surge of self-importance, believing he stood on equal footing with the vampires. "I will rectify this," Nandor grumbles, pausing to query a crew member about the significance of his candle-holding. Nadja offers her therapeutic services, free of charge, to the weary crew.
Later, Colin Robinson, drawing from an endless well of motivational quotes ingested from mugs and office wall decoration, begins reciting. Nandor, determined to assist Guillermo through this transitional turmoil, gives Colin Robinson the boot and instead shares personal anecdotes of change. He recounts how once, he adored red, but now his heart beats for orange. Colin Robinson, unable to contain himself, periodically interrupts with more inspirational tidbits, even quoting from the iconic film, St. Elmo's Fire.
Subsequently, Nandor convenes a house meeting. The agenda's first item: addressing the general hygiene within their abode, a topic all too familiar and already addressed. Then, he broaches the subject of Guillermo's melancholy over the documentary's conclusion. Guillermo, putting on a brave face, insists he is alright.
The gang delves into the core of his melancholy, seeking to pinpoint the genuine underlying issue. Could the reason for his despondency stem from the looming prospect of having no more food to pilfer? Or might it be entangled in his complex relationships with Frank the Grip, Greg the A-Camera Operator, and Nate the Boom Operator? Laszlo offers his idiosyncratic insights, occasionally spouting quotes from Shakespeare and proudly attributing the wisdom to his own genius.
Guillermo discovers that this isn't even the initial documentary in which their crew has played a part. They watch footage projected from 1958, revealing an unreleased vampire documentary by the Maysles brothers. In this ancient footage, Nandor conducts a house meeting with Jerry in attendance, repeating the same monologue as before. Laszlo attempts a novel approach to monster creation, which fails in a spectacular and hilarious manner. Meanwhile, Colin Robinson reads aloud a news article from The Staten Island Chronicle about a water main break in the vicinity. A dentist named Nandor Lee is quoted as saying it was the worst flood he had ever witnessed since the Great Flood of 1892.
Realizing that Nandor has inadvertently exposed vampires to the world, Nadja panics. She grabs their emergency bags, while Colin Robinson urges them to stay put—a notion he promptly discards by shooting an arrow into his own foot. Laszlo reappears in the room dressed as Jackie Daytona from Tucson, Arizona, successfully fooling his devoted wife with his clever disguise. In his haste, he also grabs his infamous witch's skin hat, causing an explosion as the footage draws to a close.
Guillermo comes to a profound realization: time is a flat circle, where everything repeats itself. He asserts that their documentary needs a satisfying conclusion. None of their previous endeavors made it to air due to their lack of a solid ending. The Guide suggests turning Gizmo into a vampire again, forgetting that they had already done so the previous year.
Shifting gears, Guillermo asks the group what they have learned from their experiences. Laszlo strums a brief tune about sucking and fucking, acknowledging that these desires were the very reasons he became a vampire. The Guide delivers a passionate speech about immigration and MAGAFV (Make America Great Again For Vampires), but Guillermo motions for the crew to cut the segment, realizing it has taken a sudden and unexpected turn.
Then, Nadja proposes a daring plan: she will hypnotize everyone watching the documentary to imagine their desired ending. If anyone can pull off such a feat, it's her. As she waves her fingers and chants to the camera, the scene is filled with anticipation and magic.
Subsequently, a segment unfolds, featuring The Guide and Seanaaay (Anthony Atamanuik) portraying detectives of the NYPD, paying homage to the enigmatic allure of "The Usual Suspects." The Guide interrogates Colin Robinson, who arrogantly asserts that his interrogator is blissfully unaware of the entity they confront. Capturing Nandor the Relentless (De Laurentiis) is no mundane feat. Colin Robinson exits, proclaiming his independence is his best ally, scooping up his possessions from an officer portrayed by Assaf, sans any deceased human appendages.
As The Guide ponders Colin Robinson's parting shots, she scrutinizes the evidence tacked onto a board behind Sean. This board is a treasure trove of Easter eggs from their world, each hinting at deeper narratives. Fear not; a detailed analysis of these intricate references is forthcoming in a separate piece. She surveys it from afar, her gaze falling upon a kickball tournament flyer, a stick of "Jackson Daytona" chewing gum, a mug from Nadja's nightclub, and a business card belonging to Joanna Roscoe.
Echoes of the show's memorable lines resonate through the air, from "Let's have a clap for gay" during the Pride parade episode to "Now, I'm a wizard," uttered by the vampires as they outwitted the Baron in Season 1. It's an overwhelming abundance of detail, all converging as Sean watches a photograph of Colin Robinson materialize, revealing him as the elusive Keyser Söze pulling all the strings.
Outside, Colin Robinson discards a locket containing Evie Russell's photograph, glasses, diary, and a newspaper clipping. Laszlo arrives to pick him up in his dilapidated jalopy. The Guide bursts out of the precinct in pursuit of Colin Robinson, but he has vanished into thin air.
