Dwayne Johnson's whopping $250 million Yuletide action-fantasy-comedy, titled "Red One," should be distinctly set apart from his 2021 action-comedy crime caper, "Red Notice." To begin with, the new film is making its grand debut in theaters worldwide, whereas the former premiered exclusively on Netflix, briefly topping the streaming charts before being conveniently forgotten—as though it had never left a trace.
Jake Kasdan's festive offering, which insistently shouts "Next-Gen Christmas Classic!" in your face, appears unlikely to carve a significantly different pop-cultural footprint. Amazon MGM Studios remains tight-lipped about release dates, but it seems evident that this high-concept, CG-laden bore, devoid of heart and infectious humor, will soon be swallowed by another streaming giant, Prime Video. Despite its valiant attempt to evoke a touch of poignancy in its conclusion, the film ultimately falls flat.
Chris Morgan, a veteran of the "Fast & Furious" franchise, penned the screenplay based on a story by fellow producer Hiram Garcia. It reads like the culmination of a pitch meeting where an overenthusiastic junior member of the studio's development team exclaimed, "Hey, let's create an 'Elf'-like tale, but infuse it with a kidnapping plot and an astronomical amount of mind-blowing technology!"
The movie pairs Johnson with Chris Evans as an unlikely duo embarked on a globe-trotting quest to rescue J.K. Simmons' abducted Santa Claus (codename "Red One") in time for the jolly, bearded man to climb into his sleigh and rescue Christmas. It's brimming with mythology and magic, yet remains resolutely unenchanting.
Evans embodies Jack O'Malley, an unscrupulous opportunist who initially materializes as a brash preteen named Wyatt Hunt, shaking down his cousins for cash in exchange for what he claims to be indisputable evidence disproving Santa Claus's existence. Thirty years hence, Jack has evolved into a man who swipes others' lattes from café counters before retreating to his lair adorned with an array of computer monitors, where he surfs the dark web as "The Wolf," the world's most formidable hacker-for-hire.
Johnson portrays Callum Drift, the head of the North Pole's security team Enforcement, Logistics, and Fortification (E.L.F., get it?), tasked with safeguarding Santa. Simmons, affectionately known as Nick by Cal, takes delight in巡视department stores ahead of the annual grand delivery. The movie portrays him akin to a U.S. president, escorted by a Secret Service motorcade from the mall to a hangar where a team of digitally rendered reindeer, hitched to a golden sleigh resembling a futuristic chariot, awaits. Upon ascending into the sky, they transition to hyper-speed, swiftly returning to the North Pole, a super-city encased in a dome, brimming with cutting-edge technology yet populated by elves eerily reminiscent of mutant Yodas toiling in a child-labor factory. Santa greets Mrs. Claus (Bonnie Hunt) before indulging in his gym routine, bench-pressing immense weights to ensure peak physical condition for the eve of Christmas.
The sole reason for Santa's frown stems from Cal's decision, after centuries of collaboration, to resign, marking this as their final Christmas together. Unlike Nick, Cal has lost faith in humanity: "I cherish the children, but the adults are wearing me down." For the first time, the Naughty List surpasses the Nice, and Cal laments the indifference of people.
Meanwhile, Jack is lavishly compensated by an anonymous employer to infiltrate the Intercontinental Seismic Surveillance System. He discovers a centuries-old concealed entry point to the North Pole, and soon, a highly synchronized tactical unit breaches the dome and absconds with Red One while Cal is distracted by decoys. This dire situation prompts M.O.R.A., the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority (so many acronyms, indeed), to spring into action. The director of this organization, Zoe Harlow (Lucy Liu), tracks down the supposedly untraceable Wolf within seconds, and Jack is coerced into partnering with Cal to uncover the kidnappers' identities and rescue Santa.
Following Liu's stellar performance in Steven Soderbergh's chilling haunted house thriller, Presence (premiering on Jan. 24), the thoroughly uninspired role bestowed upon her in Red One stands out as one of the many disappointing aspects of the film. Even when Zoe gets to display her combat prowess in a fiery fight scene, the action is swiftly sidelined to focus on the armored tough guys. This isn't surprising considering the testosterone-laden atmosphere that permeates the aggressively uncharming movie—from the buff Santa to the high-tech equipped security squads and cool vehicles, and from Transformers-like toy tricks to clashes that push the boundaries of PG-13 violence.
And that's merely the beginning. Enter the gnarly, muscle-bound goat-man Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), Santa's adopted half-brother. This Dark Lord of Winter long deserted his path to dwell in a gloomy German castle within the Black Forest, guarded by menacing hellhounds. His favored nightly ritual? A brutal face-smashing contest with willing participants from his court of freaks.
The film aspires to weave a tapestry of mythological intrigue and rollicking adventure, yet it often stumbles into a lead-footed morass, accompanied by Henry Jackman's overzealous score. It's a constant whirlwind of activity, but seldom does it deliver fun. The fantasy environments lack the charm of even the most forgettable fairy kingdoms, akin to Kenneth Branagh's instantly obscure Artemis Fowl. Non-human North Pole inhabitants, such as talking penguins and a burly polar bear—none of which could be mistaken for real animals—offer only minimal amusement.
Krampus's origins hail from the Yuletide folklore of Germany, Austria, and other Alpine European regions, and Morgan's screenplay cleverly incorporates the Icelandic legend of Christmas Witch Grýla (Kiernan Shipka in a role that cries out for Björk's unique flair). This 900-year-old shapeshifter transforms from a hideous ogress into a diabolical beauty reminiscent of M3GAN. However, there's no room for the delightful campiness of that rogue robot thriller in this wearying world.
The brief interlude that nearly elicits laughter is Nick Kroll's fleeting appearance as Ted, who leads a mercenary security force known as the Karmanians. (If you're thinking of a Kardashian allusion, you'll be waiting in vain for a joke that never comes.) When Cal and Jack confront Ted on an Aruba beach, he's suspended mid-air by his ankles, possessed by Grýla's demonic voice. Yet, the dry humor of Kroll isn't enough to elevate the levity; he's gone too soon.
That task largely falls to Evans, who deserves better material and can only do so much with the witless dialogue. Johnson, reuniting with his director for two Jumanji sequels, plays the straight man, looking serious and focused until the plot mechanics grant him a reason to smile again.
Krampus and Grýla, who commands a lethal army of giant snowmen and apparently has 13 sons who kill on command, share a fundamental disagreement with Santa: they focus on punishing those on the Naughty List rather than rewarding the Nice ones. Jack, unsurprisingly, is a "Level 4" Naughty Lister whose bad influence has rubbed off on his teenage son Dylan (Wesley Kimmel), despite being a neglectful father who barely spends time with him. There's plenty of unfunny banter between the jaded Cal and cynical Jack, but if you haven't guessed the heartwarming turnaround of both characters well before the closing scenes, then you probably still believe in Santa.
This holiday offering, which could almost be titled A Fast & Furious Christmas, is so ugly, artificial, and overlong that it could squash any child's belief in magic. It's a prime example of how CG effects have impoverished the imaginations of many contemporary filmmakers—making anything possible, but often at the expense of a human touch. In any case, Red One is akin to receiving a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking.
