Content Warning: This narrative discusses suicide.
Amber Smith, wife of Granger Smith, is revisiting a harrowing chapter in their lives. Six years after the tragic drowning of their 3-year-old son, River, Amber has opened up about the devastating aftermath, including her perspective on the former country singer’s near-fatal brush with suicide.
“He was out with friends in Boise, Idaho, one night after a concert,” Amber recounted in an excerpt published by *People* on September 25. “They strolled to a local bar, shared laughter, and reminisced over old memories—all while drinking more than he had since River’s passing. When the night wound down, he found himself staggering back to his tour bus, alone and deeply intoxicated.”
Realizing the gravity of the moment—that he had not been that drunk in years—Amber, who also shares children London, 14, Lincoln, 11, and Maverick, 4, with Granger, described how her husband “frantically reached for his vape pen, hoping the nicotine would sober him up. But nothing changed.”
“Images of River lying motionless in the pool haunted his mind,” she wrote. “Self-reproaching thoughts pierced his conscience: he was a failure as a father, he had let River down. In a surge of hopelessness, he groped for the handgun he kept in his bedside drawer for safety during travels, determined to end his suffering.”
To this day, Amber’s heart aches knowing Granger “felt like this was his only escape” at that moment.
“That night, my sweet, extraordinary husband—the loving father of our children—placed a cold Glock 9mm against his temple,” Amber shared. “I weep even as I type this.”
She continued, “I wish I could have been there to grab him, shake him, and shout, ‘You’re a good father! I love you! We’ll get through this! This isn’t the answer!’”
Thankfully, Granger “became aware that the voice urging him to pull the trigger wasn’t his own,” Amber wrote, noting that her husband—now a minister—was “caught in a spiritual battle.”
“In that desperate cry to God, the visions suddenly ceased,” she shared. “The gun slipped from his hand, and he collapsed onto the bathroom floor of his bus, still fully dressed, weeping uncontrollably as he fell asleep in a pool of his own tears.”
Granger also detailed his suicide attempt in his 2023 memoir, *Like a River*, recounting the moment he chose not to follow through. “Unconsciously, my hand wrenched the pistol from my mouth,” he wrote, “and my voice screamed in agony: ‘My God, my Jesus! Save me! Save me, Jesus!’”
He described hearing his cries reverberate “off the walls” of his tour bus as the spinning room around him finally steadied. “The Glock slid from my tear-soaked hand and onto the bed,” he shared. “Weeping bitterly, I fell to the floor.”
Since River’s death, Amber and Granger have been open about their grief. In a 2019 Instagram post, Amber wrote, “Returning to the road and resuming daily life without River has been anything but easy. Every little thing reminds me of him, and all I can think about is how much he would’ve loved exploring and seeing everything we see.”
She added, “Trivial things no longer matter. My family does. My faith does. We’ll get through this, because God’s got us.”
When the couple’s youngest son, Maverick, was born, they found a meaningful way to honor River’s memory through his name. “I wanted ‘Riv’ to be a part of it, of his first name,” Amber explained in a 2021 YouTube video. “I wanted this baby to have his own identity. I didn’t want him to be defined by River, but I did want him to carry a piece of his brother with him.”
Granger added, “He’ll always be connected to his big brother Riv. So it was important that his name reflected that too.”
