Whenever I delve into conversations about the current season of "Abbott Elementary," a recurring refrain I encounter is, "I crave more Ava!" Well, be careful what you wish for, for we have been granted an entire episode dedicated to Ava's sassy demeanor and whimsical escapades. Her latest entrepreneurial venture involves peddling skincare concoctions that she's been slyly stashing in the teacher's lounge fridge. To accommodate her Ava Coldman eye masks, she's evicted the mayonnaise, milk, and Janine's forgotten tuna melt to the windowsill, where they now bake under the relentless sun, marinating in an unappealing blend of heat and neglect. Furthermore, Ava has raffled off the school's printer paper to churn out fliers for her grand "pop-up pop-out" event.
Ignoring Jacob's cautionary yarn about his Zimbabwean tapeworm encounter, Janine dives into the sun-warmed sandwich, justifying it as a divine toast. Yuck. Not surprisingly, she falls prey to food poisoning and is forced to take a sick day. Initially oblivious to Janine's absence, Ava dismisses the persistent calls from an unknown number as she diligently fulfills Ava Coldman orders. Her venture is quietly thriving, albeit with some customers remarking that the products reek of "old fridge and stale condiments"; they keep coming back nonetheless. Annoyed by the incessant ringing, Ava finally picks up the FaceTime call to find a sweat-drenched and feverish Janine on the other end.
Despite Janine's near-vomiting state, Ava casually remarks she'll see her in an hour before reluctantly realizing she needs a substitute. She approaches the task like casting for her very own "Love Island," instructing Venus, her secretary, to scout for a six-foot-two Gregory Eddie clone to step in. Venus reminds Ava of the county-wide substitute shortage, a detail she should've known from last week's district memo. It's no surprise Ava skips over work-related readings. She runs through her list of potential subs: her usual backup is covering for Mr. Morton, Melissa's assistant Ashley is aiding another class, Mr. Johnson cites a "janitorial emergency" (read: he's not in the mood), and the tall figure she spotted in the hallway turns out to be one of Jacob's students.
Forced to take charge of Janine's class, Ava grants the kids an 8:30 a.m. recess and, upon returning, tells them they can "do whatever floats their boat" within the confines of the classroom. Should they require anything else? They're encouraged to ask each other, because, as Ava puts it, "it takes a village." Gregory alerts Janine to Ava's makeshift reign, prompting her to call Ava immediately to ensure she isn't experiencing a medication-induced delirium. She directs Ava to a binder in the bottom drawer of her desk, containing everything necessary to navigate the day, and stresses the importance of conducting a spelling test to keep the students on track. Ava dismisses this request with a wave of her hand, but Janine stands firm, insisting it's crucial for maintaining the students' academic momentum.
Ava reluctantly complies with Janine's meticulously laid-out plan, flipping open the binder with a hint of trepidation. The first directive: inscribe the date upon the chalkboard. However, chalk dust being her nemesis, Ava skips ahead to step two without a second thought – flicking the lights on. Moving swiftly to step three, she inserts Janine’s DVD into the player, subjected to the teacher's bizarre pre-recorded message informing the students, “If you’re witnessing this, it signifies my absence today is unavoidable.” Ava promptly halts the playback, declaring, “Nobody fancies a spectral Janine creeping through the screen,” and flips through the binder to a more intriguing task: playing Janine’s Creativity Mix while the students indulge in their artistic endeavors. Instead of opting for Janine’s selected “Kidz Bop beats,” Ava selects Jazmine Sullivan’s album, ‘Heaux Tales,’ for the children and diverts them towards their spelling test.
The deviation from routine sends the classroom into chaos. The children are flustered and disoriented, with even Gregory’s class next door captivated by the music seeping through the walls (amusingly, one of his students couldn't resist grooving to the beat). Gregory storms in, demanding Ava to tone down the music, only to witness the students' disarray. One little girl submits her spelling test, but instead of words, her paper sports a portrait of her mother. Ava inquires about the drawing, to which the student responds, “You played music. That means drawing time!” Frustrated, Ava abandons them to attend a call concerning her skincare venture. It seems the eye masks have been giving customers freezer burn, resulting in an avalanche of negative reviews. She enlists Mr. Johnson to step in and instruct the kids. Predictably, he launches into his lesson about mythical human-sized lizards supposedly residing in the Denver airport.
Gregory urges Ava to grant the students a redo on their test, but Ava dismisses it, asserting they can take it another day, one day being insignificant. Gregory counters; Janine invests heavily in preparing her students for their assessments, and more importantly, it’s vital for these students to track their progress. Every day counts in academia. Upon discovering she hadn’t even jotted down the date, he lectures her on the importance of routine in education. His words resonate with her, prompting her to adhere to the binder’s instructions. She jots the date on the board and initiates story time, albeit when a student suggests ‘Eloise,’ she momentarily recounts her own Plaza Hotel escapades with Ghostface Killah, but quickly collects herself and proceeds with the book. Subsequently, she has the students retake their test but realizes she needs to reprint them, having been doodled upon.
Finding the printer sans sufficient paper, she makes an ultimate concession: she utilizes the reverses of her pop-up shop flyers to produce fresh test copies. She even lends a helping hand to students in need. This experience evokes Ava’s empathetic side, a trait not often visible on the surface. It inspires her to take a more proactive stance in her role and orders more printer paper for the school. She starts perusing her memos, staying abreast of the school’s happenings. However, not to enhance her job performance but to ensure she never finds herself substitute teaching again. To rectify her business woes, she obliterates all traces of Ava Coldman and informs Jacob, whose eyes are swollen and irritated from her serum, that the corporation responsible has dissolved. Ava remains steadfastly Ava.
On her designated day of rest, amidst the confines of her home, Janine waged a valiant battle to reign in her rebellious digestive system. Despite her repeated attempts to muster the strength to rise and administer her students' spelling test, her body had succumbed to the tuna melt's vice-like grip. This was uncharted territory for Janine; even during the migraine-inducing marathon of Tariq's 48-hour Call of Duty binge, fueled by the mantra, "if the good guys do nothing, then the terrorists win," she had soldiered on without missing a beat. Desperate times called for desperate measures, leading her to concoct a potpourri of medications: Imodium, melatonin, Pepto Bismol, and an exotic elixir her friend Erika had brought back from the land of Mexico. In a delirium, she reassured a hypothetical cameraman of her well-being, yet she was convinced that Space Jam was rooted in factual history, shrouded in secrecy from the masses.
Janine's absence cast a ripple effect, first impacting Ava and subsequently disturbing the finely tuned symphony of personalities within the break room. Her departure paved the way for Tasha, another educator at the school, to re-enter the sanctuary she had once fled, driven away by incessant chatter. Melissa and Barbara found themselves savoring the unexpected hush, while Jacob stood as Janine's champion, arguing that she was the "lifeblood of conversation" and an invaluable asset, always proactive and resourceful, seeking solutions with relentless energy. When Melissa accidentally scalded her hand on the leaky coffee pot, Jacob remarked, "If Janine were here, she'd not only mend that coffee maker but also lavish you with aloe vera for your wound." Melissa and Barbara scoffed, with Melissa retaliation, "Yeah, and then we'd be stuck in seventeen meetings dissecting how getting burned made us feel." Tasha, adhering to her acronym WAIT ("why am I talking"), dismissed the break room drama as a mere Mr. Johnson concern, earning her an invitation to lunch with Melissa and Barbara—an honor previously denied to Janine due to an invented restaurant policy against seating trios.
Upon their return from their off-campus sojourn with Tasha, Melissa and Barbara were greeted by a trail of ants winding from the malfunctioning coffee pot to the refrigerator. Panic began to set in, but Tasha shrugged it off nonchalantly, leaving the issue for another to tackle. Jacob needled them, saying, "Admit it. You pine for Janine to be here, solving our woes." And indeed, upon her Monday return to Abbott, that's precisely what she did, effortlessly restoring the break room's fragile equilibrium...and prompting Tasha's exit once more. Gregory, welcoming Janine back with open arms, almost—in a whimsical thought—asked her out on a date as colleagues filtered out to commence their day. Alas, it was but a daydream; instead, he presented her with a thoughtful gift of electrolyte-infused water to keep her hydrated, a gesture as warming as it was practical.
