Last year, Modern Family's Valentine's Day special stood out as a peak moment amidst a season replete with highlights, primarily because it delved deeper into the quirky, risqué humor that the show often teeters on the edge of. Recall Claire and Phil indulging in role-play as strangers hooking up in a hotel bar? For a series with "family" boldly featured in its title, this was unexpectedly bizarre. We knew this week's episode would revolve around the holiday, yet had modest expectations of it recapturing the magic of the previous year. But it almost did! It wasn't just a solid episode from start to finish; it ventured into uncharted territories of awkward seduction. It was akin to receiving a colossal box of chocolates and an enormous plush teddy bear.
The Pritchett-Dunphys
Initially, it seemed as though Claire and Phil were still reeling from their kids catching them in a compromising position a few weeks prior. They retreated for a tranquil dinner at Ibiza ("Actually, it's pronounced Ibitha," Alex corrected. "Man, this weekend, I can't wait to visit the baby pandas at the zoo," Phil quipped in return), a dimly lit venue exclusively occupied by them and the elderly; they were mutually content with their more reserved celebration, at least until Phil took an inappropriate spin on a neighboring diner's Hoveround scooter. It was time for Claire to take charge: "I know Phil and I will grow old together someday, but that day is not today." A couple of swift calls from the bar phone and an hilariously disjointed conversation back at the table (Ty Burrell's bumbling comedic prowess was even more exaggerated when coupled with the clumsiness of navigating between reality and sexual fantasy), and Clive Bixby and Juliana reappeared, sort of. Of course, there had to be a catch, and despite Phil's commitment to the plan (he dashed home to change into a mock turtleneck and dig out his conference name tag), a hotel keycard handoff in a bar went awry. He found himself in the wrong room, stark-naked, lying supine, and cradling a bottle of Champagne on a bed strewn with rose petals, awaiting his lady's emergence from the restroom. He popped the cork the instant the door opened, and an unsuspecting elderly lady from the bar stumbled in. All we saw was her blank, startled face, followed by a scene of Claire and Phil reuniting in their driveway at home, with Phil having narrowly escaped arrest. Poor fellow. However! Emboldened by their failure, the couple sneaked back into the house and attempted to consummate their love in their own room, as themselves. Alas, they tumbled off the bed.
Meanwhile, outside, music blared because Manny had made the adorably misguided decision to try to woo Haley by encouraging her to break up with her new, intellectually astute boyfriend David (who had ditched her on Valentine's Day to study), hoping she would take a fancy to him instead: "She's had the romantic, she's had the intellectual — how about having all that in one fine little brown package?" Instead, he merely pushed her back into the arms of Dylan ("I'm not saying I miss Dylan, but at least he was romantic — David never sent me a jar of his own tears"), whom we had sorely missed since he largely exited the picture earlier this season. But now, conveniently, he was back with his band in tow, serenading Haley from the back of a flatbed trailer, completely interrupting her parents' lovemaking upstairs, and ultimately getting what he came for — Haley back in his embrace. Moreover, we think this song included the line, "Imagine me naked" — am I wrong? Regardless, we adore them. And we sincerely hope Manny develops a crush on someone other than his stepcousin, because we adore him too.
The Pritchett-Tuckers: A Tale of Third Wheels and Crushes
When it comes to being the third wheel, Cameron and Mitchell find themselves entangled in a heated dispute over Broderick, Mitch's assistant. The question at hand? Whether Broderick harbors a fierce crush on one of them. Cam is convinced he does, and so is Mitch, albeit reluctantly. Mitch hesitates to admit it to Cam, citing the need to shield his feelings—a scenario all too familiar in their circle. These two are masters at treading lightly in their professional lives.
However, when Cam drops by Mitch's office to pick him up for their Valentine's Day dinner at Ibiza ("Oh, Ibitha," Broderick quips), it becomes increasingly apparent that Broderick might actually have a thing for Cam. This suspicion is further cemented during an awkward elevator ride and a heart-wrenchingly small hug. Cam exits the elevator with a smug gleam in his eyes, a look he carries through dinner until he realizes that Mitch is sporting a similar expression. This leads them to Broderick's place, where they force him to confess his love interest—all to appease their bizarre egos. Ultimately, Broderick resigns via text, leaving them with a message that reads, "Treasure each other." Mitch and Cam exchange glances and smiles, realizing the absurdity of their actions. "If an assistant's crush means that much to us, maybe we should start appreciating each other a little more," Cam remarks, to which Mitch concurs. They share a kiss, momentarily hinting at the possibility of something more intimate. But alas, it remains just a kiss.
The Pritchett-Delgados: A Valentine's Day Showdown
For once, we commend the writers for steering clear of Jay's usual offhand remarks about his wife's physical attributes. Yes, he's married to her, and yes, she's stunning. And no, his casual assessments of her beauty do not constitute perversion. But it's peculiar how such comments have become their go-to punchline. Kudos to the writers for refraining from this trope this week.
Instead of catcalling his wife, Jay finds himself plotting against her this Valentine's Day. He's determined to prove her wrong about his lack of romance by orchestrating an elaborate dinner, complete with a pretend-botched reservation (narrowly avoiding his role-playing daughter), a detour back home, and a string quartet upon arrival. Throughout the ordeal, we can't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for Jay. Gloria is not someone you'd want to irritate, especially over perceived romantic shortcomings.
When they arrive at an empty house with no dinner and no string quartet, the tension is palpable. But Gloria, as cunning as ever, has seen through his plan. "I know you think I think you're not romantic, but I know you think I'm not smarter than you. So now we know—you're romantic and I'm smarter than you. And I bought you a motorcycle. I win!" she declares triumphantly. She's turned his plan against him, feigned ignorance all night, and thrown in a new motorcycle for good measure. Not bad for a woman as sharp as she is beautiful.
