Alright then. "Modern Family" has successfully navigated its season premiere, unveiling a kiss that was both highly anticipated and perhaps overly hyped in retrospect. Now, as we stand on the precipice of what's to come, the future remains somewhat nebulous. Recall the first-season finale, where Mitch clashed with a feathered foe, Phil planted a kiss on Gloria amidst the JumboTron's glow, and everyone concluded in a mud-soaked embrace, leaving no towering enigmas unresolved, no dangling plot threads meant for future entanglements. Yet, here we find ourselves once more, pondering the horizon of this week's cliffhanger. What lies ahead? Is there even a "next"? Beyond the show's signature witty character progression, what is the underlying purpose of this journey?
Last night, amidst such musings, nature itself intervened with an earthquake—a first in the annals of the Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker-Delgado saga that hinted at potential peril for our beloved characters! It was a moment fraught with genuine terror. But soon, the fear subsided, giving way to humor once more, and our hearts swelled with relief upon realizing everyone was safe. Thus, we granted them another week's grace to untangle their web of intrigue.
Claire and Haley's standoff over Haley's skewed balance between studies and socializing persists, while Claire and Phil's spat over his handyman deficiencies rages on. This tension culminates in a cacophony of shouting when, after summoning a plumber to mend a leaky tub that's been dripping since Luke's infancy, Claire and the plumber find themselves inadvertently imprisoned in the bathroom. The scene unfurls with volumes of vociferous exchanges through the door, Phil's bumbling attempts to rectify the situation, and Haley's spiteful antics.
Then, the earthquake strikes, serving as a stark reminder of Phil's deceit regarding a heavy cabinet he failed to properly secure in the living room. The cabinet's subsequent toppling must remain concealed to preserve Phil's fragile ego, preventing him from coming clean with Claire. As he clumsily maneuvers around, conjuring excuses to keep Claire and the plumber confined while attempting to rectify the cabinet, Claire and Haley's war of words continues unabated through the bathroom door, peppered with snarky retorts and parental reprimands. Even Manny, donning his lesbian sandals, joins the fray, marking the second consecutive week that a squabble among the Dunphy women devolves into a three-way shouting match.
In the midst of this chaos, Luke slides a baking sheet laden with gooey brown liquid beneath the jammed door, quipping, "Mom, I brought you soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to lap it up like a cat." Eventually, Claire and the plumber escape their temporary prison, sharing a heartfelt moment that prompts Claire to realize Haley likely harbors the same sentiments towards her that Claire once felt towards her own mother—a mixture of madness and mild contempt. How poignant! The plumber also mends the leaky tub and, had Claire but asked, would have likely secured the cabinet months prior. Perhaps she should have considered tying the knot with him instead!
The Pritchett-Delgados
Even after his last misadventure, where his mocking of Gloria's spiritual beliefs landed him slapping chicken breasts and wearing outdated shoes around his neck, Jay couldn't resist ribbing Gloria about her church attendance. This time, however, fate seemed to be on his side: an earthquake struck, and Gloria, convinced it was a divine rebuke for Jay's neglect of mass, remained unperturbed. Unbothered, Jay headed to the golf course, accompanied by Manny, who had recently decided that organized religion might not be for him.
As expected, Manny's decision to skip Sunday school quickly escalated into a probing interrogation of Christianity's fundamental principles. As Jay teed off, Manny bombarded him with theological inquiries: "So, you're unfazed by God? You don't dread Hell? ... Do all souls ascend to Heaven, even the wicked? ... What if Heaven's bureaucracy screws up and sends you to the wrong place? They make mistakes with paperwork, you know. I was mistakenly enrolled in a girls' health class last year and had to endure a disturbing film. ... Do you understand menstruation, Jay? Because I certainly do!"
All ended well, but Gloria's ominous prophecy of divine retribution for Jay's pride had us bracing for the worst. Additionally, last season's lingering thread resurfaced: Jay's obsession with avoiding unhealthy habits that threatened his well-being during their Hawaiian family vacation. Had his recent escapades, such as the unsettling man-kissing incident and his encounter with Colombian pig intestines, finally pushed him over the edge? Would he collapse on the greens, plunging Manny into an existential tailspin? Or would Gloria evolve into an alluring yet eccentric widow, communicating solely with her deceased grandmother, the voice of God, and other ethereal beings she alone could perceive? Perhaps her breasts served as some sort of supernatural antennae! Only time would tell.
The Pritchett-Tuckers
Ah, here's another highlight we had eagerly anticipated but somehow overlooked: Nathan Lane's guest appearance as Cameron and Mitchell's over-the-top gay friend, Pepper. Pepper's over-the-top costume brunches were creating a rift in their relationship, and this week's theme was Oscar Wilde & Crazy! Truthfully, these themed events, along with their other gripes (like Seder-day Night Fever!), sounded like delights we would eagerly attend. While Cameron was eagerly anticipating the event (what dressed-up foodie fest would Cameron miss?), Mitchell dragged his feet. He waited until they were all attired in Victorian garb, including Lily, to start bickering.
Once again, their tiff was cut short by the minor earthquake, leading to an absurd lie told to Pepper. This lie resulted in Pepper coming over to assist with non-existent water damage cleanup. Subsequently, Mitchell concocted another preposterous tale about why they didn't want to attend the brunch despite already being dressed for it. This lie hinged on Cameron and Pepper's past romance ("One date—it was the '90s. We were mourning Princess Diana. I was at sea"), implying that Cameron still harbored feelings for Pepper. Could this mean Nathan Lane would reprise his role? Perhaps the show was finally setting the stage for something significant!
