In its inaugural season, "Modern Family" declined to embrace the Halloween spirit with a dedicated episode. Instead, the October episode from the previous season centered on the children returning to school (recall Manny's memorable poncho?). Yet, last night, the show did delve into the world of Halloween, where, upon reflection, the kids were once again heading to school. This revelation suggests that the festivities didn't unfold on a Sunday (the actual day of Halloween this year) or that the Los Angeles school calendar defies all logic. Regardless, last night's episode, akin to the eerie haunted house the Dunphys conjured in their living room, was bold but somewhat clunky in its conclusion. At least viewers were treated to seeing everyone in their festive attire.
The Pritchett-Delgados are at odds once more, despite last week's olive branch of airline tickets to Colombia. This week, the issue stems from Gloria's patchy English. "Last night, you uttered, 'We live in a doggy dog world,'" Jay corrects her. "It's 'dog-eat-dog world,'" she retorts confusedly. "That sounds absurd. Who'd want to dwell in a world where dogs devour one another? 'Doggy dog world' paints a picturesque landscape brimming with little poppies!" She shines momentarily with phrases like "gargles" and "baby cheeses," but subsequently spends the majority of the episode pouting as others explain the hilarious yet woefully incorrect phrases she's coined. These included tangled idioms and malapropisms that even native English speakers might frequently mess up: "blessings in the sky," "carpool tunnel syndrome," and "volumptuous." It appears she's destined to be the spandex-clad punchline throughout the episode — until she and Jay reconcile at Claire and Phil's Halloween Spectacular. By then, she insists on employing her own peculiar brand of precise American diction, equally astonishing and unsettling, much like Claire's eerie, eyeless laugh from two weeks prior. Perhaps it's the most chilling aspect of the entire episode. We longed for it to cease, and mercifully, it did! Alas, this respite was due to the episode neatly wrapping up with a chuckle-worthy family scene and a voice-over, akin to a big black-and-orange-striped bow, in which Jay compares cohabiting with Gloria to handling explosives in the military.
As for the Pritchett-Tuckers, you're familiar with Chekov's gun, aren't you? Well, let me introduce you to Chekov's Spider-Man suit. Here's the rule: if a character's boyfriend aids him into a Spider-Man suit in the first act (under the guise of Halloween and his new office being so lively, with everyone else dressing up too), then by the third act, the character will be climbing a downspout from a second-story men's room, realizing he's one of only three employees in costume. Thus, unfolds Mitch's Halloween escapade. Meanwhile, Cam has sworn off the holiday entirely: "Tragically, Halloween was tarnished for me personally by an incident long past. It's now merely a day I must endure." When Mitch bemoans his physically and emotionally grating day at work, Cam scorns: "You had squeaky thighs — I lost my childhood!" Cam's fears culminate at Claire and Phil's party — quite literally, as Cam portrays the severed, talking head at the candy buffet — where it's slowly, tearfully, and dramatically revealed (aided by much dry ice) that, one Halloween long ago, a frenemy accused him of candy theft, leading to ridicule from his peers and an embarrassing accident.
The Pritchett-Dunphys' Halloween escapade seemed to be a commendably low-key affair, likely due to Claire and Phil's infectious excitement for their mutual favorite holiday, Halloween. At last, they had found a bond that transcended their penchant for overreacting to trivial matters! They were gearing up for their grand annual haunted-house spectacle, with everything progressing smoothly until Phil discovered that their neighbor Jerry had been abandoned by his wife, seemingly out of the blue. Claire was disheartened because it meant Jerry was too distraught to don the role of their eerie scarecrow. However, Phil was petrified, fearing that his wife might leave him similarly unjustifiably: "Tell me it was because of booze, cheating, physical abuse—I could handle that. I'm a committed monogamist who enjoys social drinking, and Claire only accidentally punches me in her sleep. Just don't tell me it came out of nowhere." In a bid to reassure himself that Claire still found him charming, desirable, and delightful, Phil embarked on a clumsily orchestrated, multi-faceted charm offensive. Alas, Claire was preoccupied with draping spiderwebs and discouraging Haley from indulging in a series of overly provocative costumes ("Are you aiming to entice candy or Japanese businessmen?").
Ultimately, the house was aptly haunted, with Mitch duped into taking on the scarecrow role, Gloria reverting to her native tongue, Haley adorned as "Mother Teresa in her hotter days," Cam's candy-related/self-urination demons adequately exorcised, and Manny and Luke, once again, woefully underutilized. Phil and Claire shared a tender moment in the front yard, which would have been purely heartwarming if not for their costumes resembling a corpse bride and groom, amidst screaming children dressed as aliens and butterflies fleeing their haunted abode in terror. One can only presume that this fleeting harmony won't endure—they must have something to work through for the inevitable second crack at a Valentine's episode.
