As the calendar flips to a brand-new year, it seems that the inhabitants of "Modern Family" have hardly resolved to embark on any momentous transformations in 2012. If the previous night's episode lacked the spark of novelty or the thrill of the unexpected, perhaps solace can be found in the comforting familiarity: Cam and Mitchell's playful bickering, Phil's quip-laden one-liners, and Manny's dandyish flair (reminiscent of Matt Damon's character in "The Legend of Bagger Vance," indeed). Occasionally, we may find ourselves exasperated by the erratic reappearance of plotlines on "Modern Family," akin to the random visits from Javier Delgado. We continue to await the full unfolding of Claire's political aspirations, or even a passing mention of them. Yet, as long as the laughter persists, our frustration remains tempered. To borrow Phil's words before a rectal exam, let's dim the lights, turn up the mellow tunes of Norah Jones, and make the best of it.
Dr. Sendroff, Phil Dunphy's physician, is a character less than endearing. During a routine health check, he detects a tender spot beneath Phil's arm and suggests running some tests as a precaution. Should the results warrant concern, he promises to contact Phil. Inevitably, he does call, but Phil misses the call. When Phil rings back mere moments later, he learns that the doctor is en route to London. As Dr. Sendroff jets off to indulge in peanuts and in-flight diversions, Phil is left with ample time to stew in anxiety. Claire attempts to reassure him that it's likely just a Quidditch-related injury inflicted by Luke, but Phil remains unconvinced: "That's quite comforting, coming from a marketing major at a party school." Ouch! Phil has additional reasons for concern: his lifetime supply of Genesis twin blade razors, won fifteen years ago on a show called "Smarty Pants," has just run dry. Last night's episode featured a nostalgic flashback to a younger Phil, eerily resembling Matthew Perry during his "Friends" years, incorrectly answering "3.14159" when the correct answer was "banana cream." The outlook seems grim, and Phil spends much of the episode gazing longingly at his children. If Phil must confront his mortality, at least he has Luke's decrepit best friend, Walt, to offer words of wisdom. Recall Walt, the crabby, oxygen-tank-toting neighbor from last season? He's popped over to play video games with Luke and utter cool phrases like, "See you in hell, Klaus." His appearance gives us hope that we'll catch another glimpse of Phil's African-American friend from last season, the one passionate about building a tree house. Who knows?
Phil isn't the sole character grappling with a portent of doom. Gloria has dreamed of encountering a black mouse, which, in her homeland, signifies the impending occurrence of something dreadful. Meanwhile, Stella the dog has taken over from Baby Lily this season, giving the camera that "this person is crazy" look whenever a deadpan expression is called for. Speaking of evil omens, Gloria's ex-husband Javier (Benjamin Bratt, as handsome as ever) shows up at their doorstep, exuding charm, sophistication, and unpredictability—the Colombian Ken to Gloria's Barbie. Javier swiftly vetoes Jay and Manny's plan for a mundane golf outing, opting instead to belatedly celebrate Manny's birthday at the horse races. Gloria cannot attend as she has promised to tutor Haley in Spanish, but she insists Jay accompany them. Thus, the stage is set for a familiar ideological clash, "Modern Family"-style, at the racetrack. In one corner stands Javier, the impulsive romantic who claims to discern a horse's soul by gazing into its eyes. In the opposite corner stands Jay, the pragmatic soul who places his faith in racing forms. In between stands Manny, whose sole desire is to cheer for the horse whose name reminds him of his crush. This time, Javier's intuition pays off for him and Manny, while Jay's practicality falls flat (though his horse impressions are quite amusing). A point for the dreamers. More importantly, Jay acknowledges his aversion to being reminded of Manny's biological father, hinting that the boy is growing on him. A point for character development. Jay's gradual transformation from a grumpy stepfather to a sincere father figure is one of the show's few notable evolutions, and it feels particularly well-deserved, thanks to Ed O'Neill's spot-on portrayal.
And so, we arrive at the third, intricately woven subplot, where Mitchell and Cameron find themselves locked in a literal battle over who possesses the more impressive trophy. Mitchell, having won an accolade akin to the Oscar in the realm of environmental law, proudly showcases it atop their mantelpiece. Hardly had the dust settled when Cam plonks his Bass Catcher's Spring Fish-Off trophy beside it, as if to issue a silent yet potent challenge. Oh, the horror!
When Mitchell vents to his newly-found confidant, Alex, who echoes every sentiment of his, a dawning realization strikes him: he's behaving like a petulant 14-year-old girl. We concur, albeit wishing for even a hint of acknowledgment from Cam—the most easily offended soul on the planet—that perhaps he had unwittingly stolen the thunder. In an attempt to rectify the situation, Mitchell embarks on a mission to honor Cam by unearthing all his old trophies from the garage. However, fate has other plans when he encounters a sinister black mouse—Gloria's vision embodied in flesh and fur. "Disgusting! Gross!" Mitchell exclaims as Cam and Lily walk in, catching him in the act of kicking Cam's trophies. "I was planning to create a grand display," Mitchell justifies. Cam retorts, "I'd say you've accomplished that."
As the episode draws to a close, the entire family gathers at the Dunphys', where Phil and the deeply superstitious Gloria have successfully planted the notion that Phil's demise could be imminent. Manny and Jay bring along Javier, and witnessing the rest of the clan meet him for the first time is a delightful spectacle. "I know this may come across as insensitive, but you are a beautiful woman and you'll have no trouble finding…" he whispers intimately to Claire, only to be interrupted by Gloria (to the amusement of Cam and Mitchell). Finally, after some tension-building moments ("Are you going to die?" inquires the unaffected Lily), the ominous Dr. Sendroff finally returns Phil's call, only to inform him about… a real estate listing. "That is the most irresponsible, unprofessional thing I've ever encountered," Phil chastises, and we commend the acknowledgment that the foundation of this entire series rested on such frivolity. Ultimately, it becomes evident that everyone clings to their own omens and signs; a menacing dream or a shortage of razors can transform an ordinary phone call into a pivotal moment. But really, did anyone seriously think they'd diagnose Phil with cancer? As expected, everything turns out just peachy keen.
