I mean, I'm fully aware of your homosexuality; it's as plain as the nose on your face. Your mannerisms, from the way you converse and stroll to how you attire yourself, coupled with your melodramatic hand gestures, leave little room for doubt. Listen up, everyone, activate your gaydars! If the previous episode of "Modern Family" depicted Claire cozying up to a man she presumed to be gay purely based on stereotypes, last night's episode focused on Cam—television's epitome of a jazz-handed individual—struggling to convincingly portray a heterosexual guy. Cam endeavors to tap into his heterosexual side while sipping on a fruity cocktail at a bar. When a waitress flirts with him, perhaps fishing for tips (which is how Mitchell would interpret the exchange), Cam insists that if he were straight, he'd be quite the lady's man. Or, as Mitchell quips back, "You could be someone who just stepped out of a machine called 'Lady's Man Maker'." Confident in his ability to blend in (imagining himself as a potential suitor for Julia Roberts if both were single and heterosexual), Cam wagers with Mitchell that he can secure a woman's phone number at the bar—with a month of laundry duty at stake if he fails.
Elsewhere, the Dunphys grapple with the mundane challenges of suburban life. Haley wrestles with a college admissions essay prompt ("What's the biggest obstacle you've ever had to overcome?") and, much like countless frustrated memoirists, realizes her life has been suspiciously unremarkable and pampered. (Her friend Gabby's mom being a hoarder practically writes her essay for her!) She's crestfallen when Claire informs her that she never actually had ADD in grade school—she simply struggled with spelling, not ADD. (Isn't that obstacle enough?) Claire devises the perfect cure for her overprotected daughter: she lures Haley into a car ride to a secluded tree, intending to reveal the deep, dark secret behind her and Phil's leniency (wait, since when did Haley think Claire was lenient?), then speeds off the moment Haley exits the vehicle. Haley's monumental obstacle? Finding her way home. Or perhaps "growing up with a疯疯癫癫的妈妈." It depends on whom you ask. Meanwhile, Phil is determined to build a treehouse for a lukewarm Luke. Given Phil's penchant for breaking things, evidenced by the perpetually malfunctioning staircase, he's far from the most handy dad around, and Luke is wary of potential collateral damage ("Dad, I've seen you with a glue gun. I think getting a nail out of my hair would be harder"). But this isn't about Luke at all! It turns out Phil wants to use the treehouse to forge new friendships. Fortunately for him, Andre, the orthopedic surgeon next door (played by comedian Kevin Hart), seems keen—at least, based on the final 90 seconds of the episode. Behold, Phil has a black friend! A brother from another mother, if you will. Here's hoping this burgeoning interracial bromance continues to flourish.
