"I apologize, but is this a 'vasecto-you' situation or a 'vasecto-me' dilemma?" Phil inquires of Claire, his tone tinged with nerves as he prepares for a significant surgical procedure designed to halt the Dunphy family's expanding brood. In moments of anxiety, such as this pivotal day, Phil defaults to pun-laden humor, eschewing frivolity for a more pointed wit. It's heartening to witness Claire and Phil acknowledging desires and aspirations beyond their parental roles, actually envying the childless Rosses rather than pitying them or attempting to rectify their supposed "issue" — all this, unfolding on American television! The Dunphys effortlessly form a comic duo, with Phil remarking, "Provided we avoid another bundle of joy, that life will be ours in five years' time, when Luke heads off to college." Claire adds, with a hint of uncertainty, "Or somewhere." (Just a thought — could "Jay and Gloria's Little Accident" become Claire's affectionate nickname for an actual infant, or is that moniker reserved solely for the fetal stage?)
Haley, now a college student, remains sequestered from the family's antics, her presence limited to Skype calls and speakerphone conversations. She queries Alex, who is undergoing a transition, "Are you going goth now?" to which Alex responds by teasing, "You still sleep with a stuffed panda." Alex's quip, "This family needs a dummyectomy," incenses both Luke and Haley equally.
In a pivotal scene, Larry, the colossal white cat, makes an appearance. Did Mitchell and Cameron adopt him as a kitten, witnessing his unprecedented growth rate, or did Lily, perhaps realizing the dream of a sibling was out of reach, settle for this senior feline instead? Regardless, Larry is a splendid feline — an A-plus pet if there ever was one.
Cam's reliance on Propecia is hardly a topic for debate or even acknowledgment, quite frankly. But as our minds wander to Cam's crowning glory, we can't resist a quick trip down memory lane to his mustache-adorned days. During the pre-Lily era, he warns a frustrating adoption agency clerk, "Please, remember my tone, not my words." Mitchell's latest attempt to suggest that Cam might find solace in returning to work sparks a delightful explosion. "You think I lounge around all day? Well, I'm not lounging now," Cam snaps at Mitchell, dramatically pulling a surprise, packed suitcase from the closet. Bingo, indeed.
Fortunately for Jay and Gloria, they never got around to discussing whether they wanted to know the baby's gender before their doctor's appointment, because, oh boy, what a drama that would have been! Jay learns the hard way that Jaws references don't always land in every setting. "I saw it, but I don't recall a scene with a hubcap and a pregnant woman," the stern doctor informs Jay. Still, it's all worth it for the eventual "we're gonna need a bigger belt" joke.
Mitchell is indulging in the mandatory couple of hours of iPad gaming that seems to have become a staple in every office since the advent of the tablet and its smaller sibling, the iPhone. However, he'll happily pretend to be swamped to avoid yet another workday lunch with the bored househusband, Cam. Oh, there you are, Cam? Just let me finish slicing this Post-it note and stapling it together. Ugh, I'm swamped today, really. Instead, he schedules some time to meet a man named Joe Jeoux.
Claire's quip about "post-post office traumatic stress disorder" falls flat with Haley. "Stop smiling, it's not that clever," she tells her mom over the phone, to which Phil responds, "Nailed it." All of Claire's children treat her like dirt, culminating in an explosive "you ruin my life!!!" from Alex. It's all part of the parental hero's journey, designed to make them appreciate her by the end. (Claire might just need that love too – left to her own devices as a standalone adult, she finds herself emailing friends about how she hit an incredibly lucky streak of green lights while driving on Jefferson the other night.)
How likely is it that Alex, the star pupil, and Manny, another academic luminary, would decide to skip school on the very same day? While Manny, griping to his mom over a slice of pizza meant to soothe his stressed-out soul, declares, "(A) Skipping school is tempting, but (B) never again will you pull me out of class for a hockey game," his mood is sour due to the recent dismissal of their school's music teacher, whom Manny had diligently courted in hopes of landing the lead role in "Oliver!". Gloria, rolling her eyes, reassures him that all hope is not lost and a new music mentor will surely emerge whom Manny can charm.
When Manny confides in his visibly pregnant mother, noting her resemblance to her condition, her frustration bubbles over. "I just hope this new one has better manners!" she grumbles, as her clothes strain under the weight of her growing belly, prompting Manny to quip, "Your shirt couldn't handle it anymore!" Maternity attire is hastily procured, and "Modern Family" weaves yet another tale of acceptance with a twist.
Phil, on the other hand, isn't the least bit apprehensive about his upcoming vasectomy. "I'm totally stoked, pumped up like a jam-packed concert in my snazzy kicks, pumpin' with the rhythm of life," he babbles, painting a picture of someone thrillingly unbothered by the procedure. Yet, his anxiety brews into a feverish pitch, unbeknownst to him, fueled not by fears of losing his macho image but by the dread of surgical pain. Jay, in a rare moment of vulnerability, admits his own fears, particularly worrying about Gloria giving birth to a girl. "Come on, that's nonsense—you just prefer a boy, as everyone does," counters Phil, father to two daughters and one son, subtly hinting at Manny's impending sibling.
Cam, donned in a paisley shirt that eerily matches the curtains, finally reaches his breaking point, venting about the myriad household chores he undertakes, from grocery shopping to meal prep. This crescendos into an unveiling of his secret domestic masterpiece: a bedazzled, handcrafted Lycra mermaid costume for Larry the cat, an eight-week labor of love that hits rock bottom. In a desperate bid for normalcy, Cam lands a gig as Manny's school's music teacher.
Witnessing her children's renewed admiration, Claire is reminded of the exhilarating hubris that comes with parenting and postpones Phil's vasectomy for another five years. Perhaps they'll give parenthood another go-round. If Jay and Gloria are still at it, why shouldn't they?
