Step right up, you naysayers (and for the record, I have never counted myself among them when it comes to this beloved series). After three robust episodes that encapsulated everything we cherish about "Modern Family," the show stumbled out of the gates with a lackluster fourth-season opener. This installment barely featured any of the elements that make the show shine, instead highlighting its dullest and least appealing aspects.
The cold open served as a harbinger of disappointment — it generated few chuckles and offered minimal intriguing development. Luke performing magic and billing himself as the Great Lukini? Gloria snoring? (Snoring, really?!) Cameron staying up late to play music? The sparse laughter — a surly, sleepy Lily unplugging Cam's keyboard and hurling the cord, and Manny, still shielded by some seriously unfunny writing, dismissively muttering, "Ocupado, big guy, find another foxhole" — barely masked the impending dreariness.
Let's delve into Cam's joke, "Here comes treble." Not only was it a tired pun recycled from "The Office," it's infamous enough to have been titled an upcoming episode featuring Stephen Colbert. Come on now. I appreciate a good pun as much as the next guy who revels in the horror of them (drinking coffee and discussing Metallica last week, I coined "Metallicoffee" and fully anticipated a high-five), but there are vast, untapped reserves of musical puns to explore. Four episodes in is far too soon to show even a hint of laziness, especially after all the Emmy accolades and salary hikes.
Had this been a quality episode, I wouldn't bother nitpicking over a disposable punchline. But it was emblematic of the entire uninspired 22 minutes. Cam delivering a frantic monologue about micromanaging? Alex, donning a shirt adorned with a thousand frilly embellishments, acting like an asshole towards her mom and brother, and slamming Luke's face into a cereal box? (Violence is the wrong avenue to seek humor, but I can attest that sibling cereal box face-slamming is a genuine American pastime.) Even Phil's penchant for magic failed to ignite any spark, having been done before (and better) by the lovable doofus on "The Office" (Michael the Magic!). A prolonged, cringe-worthy first day of school for Cam? Mitch portraying the inept dad? A GREAT RUSH LIMBAUGH JOKE? It was all just exhausting.
A special sidebar addressing the meticulous weekly documentation of Claire's pettiness, cattiness, and her occasionally unnecessary cruel streaks: Who are these individuals chuckling at Claire's villainous fascination with Gloria's weight gain? Step forward, you who found amusement in her endearing nickname for the baby last week, "Jay and Gloria's Little Accident." Nevertheless, I harbor hope that Claire will soon be granted a semblance of sympathetic humanity, as she is not a flawed person per se, but rather a sitcom writer's overused punchline who seldom gets to don attire beyond her workout gear. I'm rooting for you, Julie Bowen, whose previous role in "Ed" holds a special place in my heart—a show that didn't reduce you to a human sports bra!
Even the episode's tacked-on, syrupy "we've all learned something today" moments fell flat. Jay and Gloria's resolution hinged on an unamusing, brutal slapstick (twice the out-of-the-blue violence, yeehaw indeed!). Cam and Mitchell hugged and bonded over Claire's wretchedness, only for her to retort by calling them "ladies"! Phil and Luke's heart-to-heart rested on a line so outlandish that even the most understanding, mindful, and positive parents would find it nuts to utter: "Nothing you decide will ever disappoint me." This show regularly evokes laughter and "awws" from me with ease. But come on... nothing you decide will EVER disappoint me?
It took me three-quarters of the episode to realize Haley was missing, which speaks volumes in itself. Would Haley's appearance, even in a credit roll with a couple of decent zingers, have salvaged this episode?
In the spirit of constructive feedback, let me offer a few positives: Lily's "I heard that!" in response to one of Mitch's classic to-camera quips was spot-on. Claire's reaction to something bothering Luke, mistaking it for Alex's issue— "Yeah, it's really bothering me, too, but I think it's gonna be rich, so we better be nice to it"—was that rare gem, a once-per-episode moment where Claire's shallowness redeemed itself with something impossible not to chuckle at. And Luke's dramatic exit from a family spat with a smoke bomb? Priceless.
I'm confident the show will bounce back soon, and I'm eagerly anticipating the Halloween episode. Until then, a bonus tidbit for the critics: Brad Bird, the writer-director behind "Ratatouille" and "The Incredibles," and the director of the latest "Mission: Impossible," weighed in on "Modern Family" in tandem with this episode: "Tried to watch the much-lauded MODERN FAMILY for the first time tonight, but was put off by the twitchy, affected, unmotivated camera work. Bailed." This is precisely why an off week isn't an option this early in the game, "Modern Family." You made the man who brought us "Ratatouille" feel blue.
