With his initial heroic endeavor to salvage the world thwarted by his siblings' inability to adhere to a rigid schedule, Five conjures up a last-ditch Hail Mary pass, pushing the boundaries of Umbrella Academy's temporal odyssey straight into the twisted realm of Looper. As the apocalyptic clock ticks menacingly, Five embarks on a confrontation with his older, yet paradoxically younger by 14 days, "elderly" self, dispatched to Dallas by the enigmatic Commission to ensure the fateful assassination of JFK. (Bear in mind, time travel begets such quirks; just roll with the punches.) Armed with the knowledge of this encounter's outcome, Five knows that his alternate iteration wields a temporal briefcase capable of, theoretically, resetting the timeline's tumultuous course.
However, a formidable challenge looms: any time traveler daring to cross paths with their own past or future self risks succumbing to Paradox Psychosis, a multifaceted affliction that spans from the comical (unbridled perspiration, gassy extravagance) to the dire (murderous fury). Moreover, Five, not renowned for his amicable demeanor, even towards himself, sets the stage for an unusually entertaining episode of Umbrella Academy, as the two Fives engage in a personal Spy vs. Spy showdown.
Yet, despite this promising premise, Umbrella Academy seems uncertain of how to fully exploit its potential. Consequently, the encounter between the two Fives degenerates into a petty squabble punctuated by fart jokes in an Irish pub, with Luther awkwardly bouncing between them, each insisting, albeit unconvincingly, that they are the rational one.
As "The Seven Stages" draws to a close, the showdown between Five and Other Five remains unresolved, teasing a potent payoff as Umbrella Academy hurtles towards its season finale. Meanwhile, the true heart of the action beats in a different corner of the city, where Vanya endures excruciating, unconventional torment at the hands of the FBI. Mistaken for a Russian sleeper agent due to her amnesia claims and, ironically, her name alone, Vanya is subjected to a harrowing interrogation cocktail of electric jolts and LSD, serving as Umbrella Academy's license to indulge in a psychedelic odyssey of surreal visuals and disorienting camera angles.In Vanya's vivid hallucination, she finds herself transported back to the hallowed halls of the Umbrella Academy, a hauntingly familiar landscape. Her siblings, the robotic incarnation of Grace, and the ever-present, unyieldingly harsh Reginald Hargreeves are all present, gathered for a sinister dinner. On their plates, an unsettling sight—fully intact human brains, a macabre feast that with each morsel uncovers another agonizing fragment of Vanya's past.
This drug-induced odyssey serves as a catalyst, unleashing Vanya's latent powers once more. In a state of ethereal detachment, she performs a shocking act, dispatching FBI agents with ease and tearing a gaping hole through the heart of a federal edifice in Dallas, her actions reverberating through the city.
Meanwhile, at the enigmatic Commission's stronghold, Diego delves into the labyrinthine truth, unraveling the ominous prophecy: a second apocalypse looming over Dallas, its countdown already underway. Vanya's volatile abilities, once unleashed, will inadvertently alter the course of history. Her explosive display will inadvertently divert JFK's fateful motorcade, sparing his life and fueling his belief in a failed Soviet strike.
This butterfly effect sets into motion a chain reaction, igniting the Cold War into a fiery conflagration of retaliatory strikes, each side escalating tensions until the unthinkable becomes inevitable—a nuclear holocaust. And at the epicenter of this impending catastrophe stands Vanya, her name synonymous with destruction. "Vanya, the bomb incarnate, her explosive legacy will forever echo through time," Diego declares, his words heavy with foreboding.
This reaction is a textbook example of Diego's unwavering obsession throughout the season, fixated on a macabre fantasy of amputating Lee Harvey Oswald's trigger finger to thwart the fateful bullet that sealed JFK's doom. It's all but inevitable that Diego is now concocting a similarly drastic scheme to permanently neutralize Vanya's threat.
Yet, amidst Diego's binary quest for heroism, I harbor a hope that 'The Umbrella Academy' possesses the nuance to recognize that truth seldom aligns with such stark lines. Yes, Vanya stands as the looming explosive in this narrative arc, but must she forever be destined as such?
Reflecting on the series' tapestry, we've witnessed Vanya's world-ending capabilities twice, yet each cataclysmic event stemmed from her being pushed to the very brink, her composure shattered in the throes of desperation. To presume that a bomb, once primed, is destined to explode is both cynical and misguided. What Vanya yearns for, above all, is a hand that endeavors to disarm her before the countdown reaches zero.
