Mikayla Matthews and her husband Jace Terry revealed their separation during the fourth season of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. During season three, viewers watched as Mikayla and Jace discussed the intimacy issues they were experiencing in their marriage. In season four, Mikayla shared that there hadn't been much progress in working on the problem, as she was newly postpartum and experiencing flare-ups of her chronic illness.
"It's so incredible that everyone's getting these opportunities and going out and living their dreams, but my health has held me back from saying yes to a lot of opportunities. It's definitely discouraging and frustrating, and it kind of holds me back in other places in my life, like my marriage with Jace," she explains in a confessional.
Mikayla opened up to Whitney Leavitt while in Los Angeles getting stem cell treatment, which Whitney accompanied her to show support in their newly repaired friendship. In a confessional, Mikayla said the decision to invite Whitney "definitely means a lot to me, especially because when I am doing any treatments for my health, I feel like it's very vulnerable." She also noted that Whitney can understand her situation differently as the spouse of a fellow sexual abuse survivor. During the season three reunion episode, Conner shared that he was sexually assaulted as a child.
"Whitney and Jace are in a very similar place, having to deal with what happened to me and Conner and the implications that it's brought into our marriage, so I feel like we have that shared experience," Mikayla shared in her confessional.
When Whitney asks how her marriage is doing, Mikayla says Jace is "great, but it's always the therapy stuff." "I did one or two [sessions] with him, but I feel like I can't work on that right now," she tells Whitney, explaining in her confessional that she feels like she needs to make her health "top priority." "Because it's hard to focus on anything else and be motivated to fix anything else while I'm in this state," she says.
Jace also sought support in DadTok, where Dakota asks him how he's dealing with the fact that they haven't made any progress. "I'm not cool with it. The thing is, it's not like she's saying, 'We're not going to do this ever.' It's just kind of a, 'If we ever are going to do this, it's not going to be for me. I'm not going to enjoy it. It's going to be just for you.' And I don't want to do that," Jace explains. "I'm definitely not okay with it, but I don't... me throwing fits about it all the time and getting [upset], that doesn't help anything. So I just feel like the only thing I can do is be patient and be there for her."
Jace acknowledges that a breaking point does exist, expecting that if they were to separate, Mikayla would make time to work on these issues. "If at that point, we tried that out and she's still like, 'You know what? I don't want to take this seriously. It's not important to me,' then that's that."
Later, Mikayla confides in Mayci that they went to a couple's therapy session that left Mikayla feeling "angry." "I'm like, 'Okay, fine, go have sex with someone else. Like, leave me alone almost,'" she says, explaining, "I feel like I'm working on so many different things outside of just sex, and I know that obviously he can't just be like, 'Okay, well we can go without that.' We both get to a point where we get to a point where we feel really helpless about it."
Both she and Jace agree that she doesn't "have the motivation" to tackle the issue in relevance to other situations she's trying to heal. "I'm obviously very attracted to Jace, and I want to be married to him. It makes me sad that I'm not able to meet his needs, and I know there's only so long that he can be patient with me for," she said in a confessional, while telling best friend Mayci, "Kissing is harder for me than sex, because I think kissing is more intimate for me and I always have triggers with kissing."
Jace talks to Conner about the situation. When Conner asks what he wants, Jace says, "More than anything and more than the actual sex, I just want to feel like I can connect with my wife again. And I want to feel loved by my heart." "That's got to feel incredibly lonely and isolating," Conner says.
Later, Mikayla shares in a confessional that the two agreed to separate. Jace asks her, as she packs her things, what she's hoping to get from doing this, and she shares that she wants to work on herself separately from her responsibilities as a wife. Jace shares his frustration that she won't commit to trauma therapy to continue working through these issues.
"I think it's hard anytime you bring up the stuff with the sex and the intimacy. I feel it's hard on me because again, my nervous system is already in fight or flight, and I'm already maxed out. My bucket is full," Mikayla explains to him.
"I know, but for me, it seems like the solution to that would be to commit to trauma therapy until you're at a point where it doesn't make your nervous system freak out," Jace counters.
"I feel like I've done a lot of therapy work already, and my stuff is still bad. And again, I don't think it's like with the intention of being separated forever. I think we're obviously still going to see each other every single day. I'm not trying to go even a day away from the kids anyway."
Jace replies, "For something like this to feel effective for me, maybe we don't get back together until you feel like you can commit to our relationship?"
Mikayla gets upset because the "pressure" is what she struggles with. In a confessional, she shares she's "scared to lose him," as she tells Jace that she "thinks it's better for our kids and for us to work it out."
"I definitely want my kids to see their parents having a good, intimate connection and emotional connection. Both," Jace replies.
Reflecting on the situation in her confessional, Mikayla explains that Mayci and Jacob are the only members of their group who know they've decided to separate. She concludes, "As sad as it is, I do take comfort in knowing that I do have such a great support system in MomTok. I don't want to have to tear our family apart, but I also know that I have to be selfish for a period of time so that I can heal."
The fourth season of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now available on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+.
