Stoic visages that conveyed volumes without a single syllable spoken. A lazy yet irresistible charm, intertwined with an endearing allure, once captivated viewers through Old Baby Lily. Loyal fans lamented the absence of these endearing traits when New, Bigger, Louder Baby Lily made her debut on last week's episode of 'Modern Family.' However, last night, a tiny, beloved figure returned to uphold the legacy of Old Lily's silent spellbinding charm. Her name is Stella, a French Bulldog whose appeal is undeniably uncontroversial. Granted, there's scarcely anything lazier than a series that leans on a cute canine for effortless awe, but who cares? We're too entranced by her cuteness to bother.
Stella is wreaking havoc in the Pritchett mansion: Gloria's shoes, and only Gloria's shoes, are fair game for her chewing; Manny mistakes Stella's omnipresent cupcake-shaped dog treats for human sustenance; and Jay, smitten by the tiny charmer, finds it impossible to discipline her properly. In an attempt to restore balance, an irate Gloria takes to all fours, trying to entice Stella into chewing Jay's shoe, giving rise to a plethora of Gloria-as-canine humor ("Gloria, sit… Good girl"). Considering the show's consistent portrayal of Jay as an alpha male with a hard exterior, it's somewhat surprising that it's not Jay's soft approach to dog parenting that riles Gloria up. There's no fiery speech about Jay needing to be as strict with Stella as he is with his own children. Instead, Gloria is simply jealous—there was a time when she was the top dog, but now Jay prefers doting on Stella over her (and who could blame him?). It's refreshing to witness Jay's softer side.
The same cannot be said for Claire, who rarely shies away from doling out harsh but loving discipline. It turns out that freshman Alex and senior Haley have been placed in the same math class, a development that sparks plenty of sibling squabbles. In a maneuver once deemed reverse psychology but now considered akin to 'Inception,' Claire cunningly encourages the girls to transcend their awkward situation and form a team of Super Dunphys, blending Alex's intellect with Haley's social prowess to make the best of being stuck together. They oblige! But when Alex trades quiz answers for a spot at Haley's cool lunch table, they're busted for cheating. How could Super Mom Claire have allowed this? Well, she was preoccupied with battling the school's parking officer over a ticket ("I've got news for you, Law & Order Special Parking Unit, it's not my fault"), and it's challenging to inspire greatness in your daughters when you're sporting plastic handcuffs. A low point indeed for the Dunphy ladies, all around.
In the Pritchett-Tucker abode, a moment of glycemic despair ensues when Cam announces his intention to embark on a juice fast. Mitchell, weary of Cam's diet-induced shenanigans – "A well-nourished Cam barely scrapes by as a pillar of stability; deprive him of sustenance, and it's a steady descent into chaotic madness" – decides to accompany him on this Liquid Odyssey. His rationale? Should Cam's diet "implode in a Nutella cataclysm," the blame cannot solely fall on his supportive spouse; they'd share in the fiasco. Thus, Mitchell chronicles Cam's juice-fast induced lunacy ("Cam has veered into Girl, Interrupted territory"), all while clinging desperately to his own sanity amidst preparations for a beachfront cocktail party hosted by his boss (the ever-exquisite Justin Kirk, reprising his role as the helmsman of Mitchell's legal empire). Ironically, it's Mitchell, not Cam, who spirals out of control at the gala. Moved to tears by the poignant tale of Snorkels the Sea Lion, a calorie-depleted Mitchell leaps into the ocean, prompting Cam to confess their shared starvation and the foolish diet's inception: an ill-conceived bid to please each other. Amidst the pounding waves, as the entire gathering looks on from the balcony above, Cam and Mitchell embrace, quoting Billy Joel verbatim: "I love you just the way you are." A sentiment as ubiquitous as Lite FM, yet rendered with sufficient panache to avoid cliche.
Meanwhile, the Pritchett family's vitality falters this week, felled by diets, dogs, and parking attendants – their very own kryptonite. Yet, Phil stands tall, embodying the archetype of the superhero. Inspired by Philippe Petit's legendary tightrope walk between the Twin Towers ("How magnificent are human beings?" Phil murmurs, to which Luke responds, "So magnificent"), Phil resolves to attempt his own high-wire feat. Luke, eerily prescient, assumes the role of mentor ("Perhaps your repeated falls stem from a subconscious awareness of safety. Perhaps, if the wire were much, much higher, you'd find your footing"). From precariously balancing mere inches above ground, Phil ascends to mastery, tightrope dancing high above his family's heads – a paragon of focus, commitment, and the virtues parents strive to instill in their offspring. Claire, captivated by Phil's decisive spirit, voices Modern Family's moral of the week: "Phil didn't just preach the word; he lived it. Isn't that what we owe to those we cherish?" Phil, the episode's true superhero – Phil-On-Wire – vanquishes hypocrisy and poor parenting. Though one wonders, wouldn't Stella have made an adorable sight in tiny tights and her very own tightrope shoes? Just a thought.
Oh, Luke? Misheard, my dear boy: It's but the Jewish New Year at present. The Jew Fast commences next week.
