On the eve of Valentine's Day, we are introduced to Phil Dunphy's alter ego, Clive Bixby, a connoisseur of turtlenecks, a walking encyclopedia of pickup lines, and a mastermind behind high-end electro-acoustic transducer designs (embrace the absurdity; he captivates you effortlessly). Though his fleeting cameo falls short of his previous grand entrances, any appearance by Bixby is a welcome delight.
This recent rendezvous between Clive and Julianna sparks a whimsical notion in Phil's mind: that he possesses an irresistible, almost deadly sensuality capable of inducing a heart condition in his wife. (And the doctor's refutation of this theory merely suggests a prejudice against charming fellows, he thinks.)
Ultra-libidinous Claire makes her second appearance within a span of just a few episodes, eager to reignite her passion with Phil once more. (Is this a holiday tradition? Hot and horny holidays, perhaps?) Alas, the Dunphy trio has a well-oiled system for partying when the parents are away, and it's in full swing. Phil's weekly line, "Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now," serves as a humorous testament to how much the show's writers adore catering to his ego. Their plans for a indulgent Best No. 1 USA Coca-Cola Good Time Massage are thwarted when the kids burst into the bedroom, insisting that Claire has suffered a heart attack. Phil's subsequent nosebleed, splattering himself and Claire, pays homage to his zombie roots in "Dawn of the Dead." This Valentine's Day will certainly not be a night of passion.
Barely a third into the episode, we're greeted by a tender moment that typically precedes the credits. What's going on here? Wait, where have the rest of the family members been? Ah! Another title card reveals a unique format: the episode is divided into three miniature parts. Well played, Modern Family. Not an outrageous format switch, but a clever way to break up the narrative.
Gloria takes fashion cues from Claire, heralding Silky Outfit Night. She and Jay have been deprived of the acts that make Phil's mouth water for six long weeks, thanks to little Fulgencio Joe. Thus begins a day-long obstacle course leading to the bedroom. The baby is being a true Pritchett (how apt), Lily is visiting for the day, and Manny's romantic notions blind him to the fact that his parents are attempting to rekindle their romance.
An intriguing twist to this narrative unfolds as Gloria candidly confesses her genuine attraction to Jay, a refreshing departure from the usual cinematic and television tropes where attractive women are paired with unappealing, aged, or obese men. Her playful remark about "the drilling... so much drilling" stands out amidst the almost relentless sexual innuendos. However, it becomes evident that this Valentine's Day will not be marked by passionate encounters. Instead, Jay and Gloria's tender, episode-concluding moment underscores their unwavering devotion to their children, prioritizing them over their own romantic inclinations. The scene abruptly shifts to Cam and Mitch, where the funniest segment of the episode is cleverly saved for last. Cam's unadulterated silliness, now given uninterrupted airtime, promises a humorous delight. His lines like "Ogle me" and "Tipsy? You were like all of the Mad Men" are absolute gold. Notably, Cam fulfills the quota for a Silky Outfit Night, albeit in pajama fashion.
It transpires that the Tucker-Pritchetts are the branch of the extended family who pulled off an epic Valentine's Day celebration, akin to a suburban-sized reenactment of The Hangover, with Dylan stepping into Mike Tyson's shoes, minus a tiger but enhanced by a herd of life-size plastic reindeer. One wonders what the collective noun for reindeer would be—a flight of reindeer? A Christmas of reindeer? Indeed, Mitch's notion of indulging in a wild night out translates into doing a favor for neighbors who persistently adorn their home with gaudy holiday decorations. And then there's Larry, the giant white cat, now transformed into a giant, incredibly pink feline, thanks to a cherry Kool-Aid bath and a generous helping of human blood alcohol.
Dylan, the unwanted new roommate, serenades us with his latest acoustic-grunge masterpiece, a time-honored Modern Family Valentine's Day tradition. Lily, ever the problem-solver, Boots Dylan out with the assurance, "You're a big boy." It's refreshing to see Lily integral to an actual plotline rather than merely a cute kid delivering a humorous one-liner. Finally, Cam and Mitch embark on a journey inspired by the romance of Clive Bixby. "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk back in again?" Cam teases, his voice breathy and eyes arching mischievously. But hold on—Cam isn't the only one donning a turtleneck and a dark jacket. Mitch too sports the same attire! A Double Bixby? A Double Bixby indeed!
