In Greta Gerwig's adaptation, Amy March famously asserted to Laurie that love is something we wield a modicum of control over, declaring, "It's not merely a force that befalls one unbidden." Laurie, the poets, and I (for isn't a recap a form of poetic reflection?) beg to differ, yet Joe embodies the spirit of Amy March. He has decreed his affection for Marienne and, consequently, dismisses Love's technically sanctioned dalliance with Theo as a mere distraction. Yet, such detachment is bound to be fleeting. I find myself puzzled by Joe's ultimate objective – is it to extricate himself from his marital bonds with Love without inflicting emotional or physical harm, paving the way for a harmonious family unit with Marienne, Henry, and Juliet? It seems Joe overlooks the potential for mutual devastation should he and Love sever ties sans marital protection. Perhaps all involved parties should cease their tense, breathless extracurricular activities and instead seek the counsel of legal experts.
To my delight, the library is hosting a glamorous gala as a fundraising endeavor, organized by Sherry and conveniently salvaged by Love at the eleventh hour, necessitating our ensemble to don their finest and converge. Does the narrative capitalize on this ripe setup for gripping, exhilarating drama? Alas, no – the gala serves merely as a decoy, while the genuine fireworks, quite literally, transpire elsewhere. But let's proceed with caution.
In Joeland, we endure an excruciatingly mundane day where Marienne, accompanied by Juliet, experiences the mishap of Juliet's glasses breaking, prompting them to engage in a mundane family routine to get them repaired. Joe's penchant for rescuing damsels in distress and flirting subtly through parental bonding over children's literature is made evident. I couldn't help but utter an audible "gross" when Marienne proclaimed her disdain for princesses in fairy tales, as if her rejection of traditional femininity were groundbreaking. Her perspective lacks the depth and intrigue of Love, resembling Beck in mediocrity. Marienne informs Joe of Ryan's attendance at the gala, facilitated by Channel 3's "generous donation," a subtle threat to her professional well-being. Joe, however, chooses to disregard Marienne's express wish to remain uninvolved in her tumultuous relationship with her ex. My distaste for the show's portrayal and handling of domestic abuse is well-documented, so I refrain from elaborating further; suffice it to say, my sentiment remains: ugh.
Joe stakes out Ryan at an AA meeting, scrutinizing his daily routine: entrusting Juliet to his mother's care while he attends to his fitness (a legitimate need for personal care and health, mind you!) and adhering to a stringent schedule, which Joe mistakes for a fragile grip on sobriety. Unsurprisingly, Cary has connections for Adderall and other substances, with the cherry on top being his child dealer who donates profits to a mental health organization, quipping, "Oh, and I only accept Bitcoin." Joe contaminates Ryan's protein powder with Adderall for morning consumption and Oxy for bedtime, and sabotages his alarm clock with nearly depleted batteries scavenged from Henry's toys. Joe's plan: disrupt Ryan's regimen and incite a relapse. Yet, Joe's curiosity gets the better of him; he stumbles upon nude photos of Marienne in one of Ryan's idiotic books and proceeds to masturbate to them within Ryan's own home.
As Joe attends to his chores, Sherry approaches Love, praising her as "scorching hot" and forwarding her a blog post intended to ignite Joe's fantasies. Yet, Love harbors fantasies of a different sort: those involving Theo. She entices him into the bakery's dim basement and, with a touch of manipulation, asks him to uncover what secrets her father holds over her and Joe. The truth is, her parents are splitting, and her family's public profile acts as a "major trigger" for her, she confesses, adopting a parody of a Zoomer's lingo in a bid to connect with the young man. Tears well in her eyes, and Theo, albeit sensing something slightly off, finds himself compelled to assist her.
Later, Glamma arrives to watch Henry, extremely late, disheveled, and under the influence. Her ex-husband has retaliated by taking away her "second act" vineyard. "I did everything right," she laments to Love. "This is what happens when you tie the knot with the wrong person." Their conversation descends into an argument, prompting Glamma's departure. Meanwhile, Sherry sends Love the "Hack Your Sex Life" post, which Love peruses partially, enough to decide on a seductive housewife persona in a skimpy black dress—more Joe's nightmare than his fantasy. (Joe's reaction to her advances, wondering if she's "killed someone else and trying to divert my attention," amuses me greatly.) Exhausted from his earlier session with Marienne's photograph, Joe struggles to respond to his wife's advances, leaving her embarrassed and adding another issue for him to resolve.
At Matthew's place, Elise, a young coder armed with facial recognition software, reluctantly agrees to help him track down Natalie's killer. He already possesses access to Madre Linda's security footage. Elise finds the whole endeavor unnerving, and I ponder what Matthew might do with this information if he uncovers it, considering such footage would be inadmissible in court. Perhaps he plans vigilante justice?
The following day, Love is visibly distressed over burnt almonds—or perhaps something else troubles her depths? Theo drops by to apologize, revealing he couldn't uncover any dirt on her father. However, his desire for her is overwhelming. Love once again sheds tears, lamenting her former composure, before succumbing to passion with Theo in her kitchen.
Joe believes his scheme to ruin Ryan's day is paying off — Ryan confides in his best friend about feigning illness to indulge in some revelry — and, elated by his perceived triumph, Joe returns home to shower his wife, Love, with gifts and heartfelt apologies. Love confesses that she had feared Joe's affection for her had waned. Joe intends to focus his energies on Love solely as a means to be closer to Marienne. Oh, the irony!
Grandma calls, expressing her eagerness to babysit Henry during the gala, but Love declines her, mentioning she'd already arranged for a sitter. Grandma, inebriated, hurt, and enraged, hurts insults, labeling her daughter a "LITTLE BITCH," and sets her own devious plan into motion.
At the gala, Love dons an ensemble reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland, while Marienne, embodying originality and a love for whimsical themes, opts to dress as the iconic red rose. Sherry, predictably, takes on the role of the queen. Joe feels like he's witnessing his own downfall, yet Love and Marienne seem to be getting along splendidly. Then, Ryan strolls in. Joe is taken aback, but Dante reveals the stunning twist: Ryan has never truly been sober. "That AA stuff is all for show. He hides drugs in his smoothies," Dante whispers. (I can't help but wonder: Isn't regular drug testing mandated by the court in custody battles involving recovering addicts?) Alas, Ryan is incorrigible and onto Joe's schemes. Surprisingly, Joe doesn't feign indignation, saying something along the lines of, "I'm married; I would never betray my wife!" Instead, he stands there, stone-faced.
Sherry revels in the success of the gala before broaching a sensitive topic with Love, a detail Love overlooked because she hadn't finished reading the article Sherry had sent. "Hot wife" is a term for women in open marriages," Sherry reveals. Sherry, YES! I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL ALONG! Sherry and Cary are polyamorous and eager to "take their relationship to new heights." Now I understand why Cary seemed so keen on that CPR session with Joe in the woods! I feel so vindicated! Before Love can respond, she receives a message from the babysitter: Grandma has come and taken Henry. Clearly, this was not part of the plan.
The scene shifts to Glamma, looking haggard, with Henry cradled in her arms in the car. She's pulling up to a drive-thru, where an oblivious worker, who should ideally report such a situation to child services, instead agrees to take a hefty $300 for handing over a lighter to this visibly intoxicated woman. Glamma reassures the worker with a slurred voice, "He's not a baby, he's the reincarnation of my son, Forty!" Armed with Henry, gasoline, and the lighter, Glamma proceeds to the vineyard and sets it ablaze.
As I've previously mentioned, "You" isn't the type of show where Henry meets a tragic end, so the suspense isn't palpable, though I did wonder if Glamma would make it out alive. Fortunately, she and Henry return home unscathed. Love informs her that she can stay the night but warns that Joe will drive her to rehab in the morning, after which she can never see Love or Henry again. Glamma wails in protest, predicting that Love will face ruin one day too and see how she likes it!
Glamma stumbles into the car with Joe, likely nursing a brutal hangover. I pondered if she would rat out Love's affair with Theo to Joe, but she outdid my expectations: "How much do you know about Love's first husband, James?" Yes, oh yes! She proceeds to recount her version of events: When James fell ill, their marriage was already on the brink. After he recovered, he sought a divorce, "and the next thing you know, he was dead." Of course, Glamma lacks concrete proof; it's just "a mother's intuition." I knew it, I bloody well knew it! Just a recapper's intuition, you could say! Glamma leaves Joe with a stark warning: Love knows no bounds of loyalty. Joe realizes the stark truth: he's been so preoccupied with Love harming Marienne that he forgot she could just as easily turn on him.
Back at the library, Marienne is having a nervous breakdown as Juliet tattled to Ryan about her and Joe spending the day together. Wow, her kid's a snitch; not cool. Ryan threatens to use this information against Joe in the case, which strikes me as odd. He has no proof of an affair. Joe and Marienne are colleagues at the library, where Ryan dropped off their kid, but whatever! Marienne confronts Joe, stating that lying is detrimental to her recovery and she can only be in an honest relationship. I wish Joe would take the hit, but we all know that's not his style.
Joe then heads to the bakery, where Love shows him the blog post and informs him about Sherry and Cary's invitation. Joe's thoughts are, "I cannot believe this loophole is handed to me on a silver platter." He reassures her that they can overcome any obstacle together; they'll figure it out as a team! They exit the bakery arm-in-arm, directly under the security camera, whose feed is playing live on Matthew's computer screen.
